


Blood & Fire

by templeoftheslavegarden



Series: Louder Than Love Trilogy [2]
Category: Audioslave (Band), Soundgarden (Band), Type O Negative (Band)
Genre: F/M, Goth - Freeform, Gothic, Johnny Kelly - Freeform, Josh Silver - Freeform, Kenny Hickey - Freeform, New York, Peter Steele - Freeform, Spin Off, Type O Negative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22039576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/templeoftheslavegarden/pseuds/templeoftheslavegarden
Summary: **BOOK 2**The year was 1994...All I was trying to do was move on... I needed to. He was perfect in every way. He was everything I had been missing. I didn't want to fall but who knew he would catch me... that he would be the one I could run to.I just didn't realize that I may have made the biggest mistake of my life.
Relationships: Kenny Hickey/Original Female Character
Series: Louder Than Love Trilogy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586416
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. Lust Infernal

Tacoma, Washington July 26 1994

It was only minutes left until the end of the show and I was nervously waiting back stage, in the long corridor that lead to all of the dressing rooms. There were countless reasons why I shouldn't be here given the fact at what I have been through these last few months, but I really just wanted to move on. I had no idea what I was doing at all... in fact, a small part of me wanted to just forget the whole thing and get the fuck out of here, but he asked me to meet him here, and there was no way I could say no to him.

I lean against the wall looking down at my Doc Martens making sure that I looked alright. My dark curls fell down around my shoulders as I adjusted the hem of my Sepultura shirt that I had cut up and styled like I usually do and my ripped denim skirt that was probably too short but hugged my body in all the right places. I was a little self conscious as the other girls that were back stage with me were not exactly what I looked like at all. They were your typical Goth girls with the make up and chunky boots, fishnet stockings and leather dresses but me, I'm just a metal chick from Seattle Washington. I don't feel like I fit in back here at all.

As the feedback screams from the stage, echoing down the long corridor, I look up and see Peter Steele. He flashes me a smile as his incredibly tall frame walks towards me and continues on to the group of Goth girls that were excited to see him. I could hear him say something to them all and they laughed as they disappeared to one of the back dressing rooms.

I could feel my heart starting to pound as I watch them walk away, hearing the few cheers from the stage as the feedback stops. A few moments later, I turn to flip my curls out of my face and see him walking down the hall towards me.

Clad in his boots, a black button up shirt and black jeans, Kenny Hickey makes his way towards me, his long jet black curls swaying with each stride.

"Hey," He says in his thick Brooklyn accent.

"Hi," I say shyly, pushing my hair behind my ear as I remove myself from the wall. He smiles at me as his dark brown eyes that match mine perfectly make their way up and down my body.

"I'm uh, glad you showed up," He smiles at me.

"Me too," I say. He turns and looks behind him for a few seconds then looks back to me, and suddenly there was more commotion coming from the other end of the long corridor.

"There's a room just down at the end of the hall..."Kenny says gesturing down the long corridor. I glance behind myself to see where he was referring to, and I look back at him to see his eyes quickly glancing over my body, then making eye contact with me once again. I give him a little smirk, then turn to make my way down the hall as he follows behind me, his footsteps thudding against the concrete floor.

I feel my heart picking up pace as I arrive at the room that he was referring to. It was a small dressing room with a couch on one side, a coffee table in front, a vanity with a mirror that ran the length of the opposite wall and a bar fridge that sat underneath the vanity.

"I know it's a little small but..." He trails off as he closes the door behind us. I turn back to face him as moves a little closer to me.

"You uh, you want a beer or a drink or... somethin'?" He clears his throat as his eyes nonchalantly flick over my body once more.

"Sure," I say quietly as his eyes find mine again. He grins at me, then walks over to the bar fridge. 

"Shit, there's no beer. Fuck, and I asked them to put some in here... there's some Jack though, " He says when he opens the fridge.

"Jack's perfect," I say. He glances back at me raising an eyebrow then turning his attention back to pouring a shot for me and once finished, moves back over to me and hands me a shot glass filled with Jack. I take the glass from him as he holds up the bottle.

"Bottom's up," He smirks clinking the bottle to my glass and we both down the Tennessee whiskey as I relish in the beautiful burn trickling down my throat. Once I down the shot, I look back at Kenny and notice that he flinched a little at the burn which made me smile to myself.

"More?" He asks. I nod as I hand him my shot glass and he pours another. Once he hands it back to me, I waste no time in downing the whiskey, once again relishing in it's sweet but sour burn.

"Fuck, that burn's so good," I exhale once I finish as Kenny takes a longer swallow of the bottle of Jack, this time not flinching at all while his eyes never leave me. He moves towards me, taking the empty shot glass out of my hand and sets it down on the coffee table along with the bottle. As I watch him do so, I study his features. His clean shaven face leaves him boyish but so gorgeous with those perfect lips that I fantasize kissing every inch of my body.

As he moves closer to me, I reach out to place my hand on his chest feeling him flex a little underneath his shirt. His chest feels so amazing even through his shirt and I was anxiously waiting to feel what it's like to touch his soft smooth skin.

Kenny takes my hand and moves it down as those dark brown eyes look into mine and I can't fucking help myself as my hand reaches the the rim of his jeans, finding the buckle to his leather belt and I begin unbuckle it.

"I take it you don't want to waste any time do you?" He smirks so seductively while I unbutton his jeans, shaking my head 'no' my dark curls bouncing as I bite my bottom lip, looking up at him innocently. He brings his hand up, cupping my face in his palm, his thumb brushing across my bottom lip. He hesitates for a moment and then without even thinking about it, I lift myself up and press my lips to his as my hands move up under his shirt, over his stomach and up, feeling his smooth chest under my fingertips.

He moans and eagerly swipes his tongue across my bottom lip, his fingers lacing their way through my curls as I respond to him. I hungrily suck his bottom lip as our mouths move as one, feeling myself grow hotter as I do so. His lips part from mine for a moment moving to my chin, down to my throat and bites me playfully as he grips my curls then releases them, moving his hands down to my hips and eagerly pulling up the bottom of my skirt. My hands then move out from under his shirt, and up to lace my fingers through his long jet black messy curls as his lips trail to that spot just under my earlobe.

"Kenny..." I breathe.

"What baby?" He says low in my ear.

"I want you to fuck me," I pant without even thinking but I couldn't help it. He was driving me crazy.

"Yes ma'am," He chuckles and I giggle as he lifts me up, bracing me as I wrap my legs around his waist and carries me over to the vanity, setting me down on the table in front of the mirror. He eagerly pushes up the bottom of my skirt, discovering I'm not wearing any panties at all, gripping my hips for a moment and then moving his fingers back down my thighs.

"Jeezus fuck... you're fucking sexy as fuck," He says, his eyes flicking over my body, landing at my chest and then back up into my eyes. I bite my bottom lip as I position myself in front of him, immediately moving my hands to his pants and feeling his package through his jeans. He groans leaning his head on my shoulder as I give him a few good squeezes then push his jeans down just enough over his hips, his erection springing out immediately.

"Shit..." He pants with his forehead still leaning on my shoulder, his hands moving back up to my hips as I pump him for a few moments earning more moans of encouragement as the length of him gets harder and harder. His lips then immediately attack my neck once more, his one hand moving up to lace his fingers through my curls giving me another good grip, his other hand moves swift right to my center, his fingers gently teasing my clit causing me to lean back against the mirror, spreading my legs even wider for him.

"Holy shit... don't fucking stop," I pant closing my eyes and arching my back as Kenny continues to stroke me in various circular motions, my back arching to him as his lips move to my ear. I let go of him for a moment eagerly unbuttoning his shirt. Once the last button was free, I gently ran my hands over his smooth toned chest and for a second I had a little moment of doubt, but quickly pushed that thought away. The mere sight of his bare smooth chest and abs instantly sent more sensations straight to my core. I let my eyes wander over his body for a moment as he lifts my shirt up over my breasts along with my bra, lifting it up over my nipples. He then leans down, taking my right nipple into his mouth and gently flicks his tongue across the hard nub of flesh there. I inhale quickly as he continues to flick, then changes his attention to my other nipple as to not let it get lonely. I start to moan a little as I lace my fingers back through his curls, his tongue repeating the same process over again sending shivers all over my body.

Just as I let out a whimper, Kenny breaks away from my nipple and looks back at me, giving me a seductive smirk raising his eyebrow while his hands move back down to my hips and pulls me closer to the edge of the vanity table. He then takes the chair that was behind him, sits down which gives him perfect access to me, his hands moving to my thighs and encouraging me to open even wider for him.

"Oh, fuck yes baby that's beautiful," He says slyly as I lean back again closing my eyes, feeling his fingers trail in between my thighs and straight to my center, softly brushing his fingers across my clit once again and then all around, teasing me to no end. Just as I thought I wasn't going to be able to take his teasing any longer, I feel his lips softly kiss my clit as he uses his thumbs to part my lips.

"Uhhh..." Was all I could get out as he begins to softly suck, feeling so amazing as if he already knows exactly how I like it. His fingertips softly tease around my entrance as his tongue flicks intermittently between his sucking, feeling like he's pulling everything out of me and then releasing at just the right moment.

"You taste... so good..." He purrs and I let out another whimper throwing my head back against the mirror and attempting to grip the table as he sucks and flicks his tongue, leading me to the edge and letting me hang there.

"Shit..." I moan as he inserts his fingers inside me, gently pumping, hitting that perfect spot already. My god it's been so fucking long since I've felt anything like this at all.

Suddenly, he stops pumping with his fingers and trails them up, spreading me wider and sucks even more persistently with intent and I swear I was about to lose it. I started to feel that amazing feeling building up, feeling like I was on fire and all I wanted was to let it go.

"Kenny... oh god..." I pant as my hands went to his hair, lacing my fingers through, feeling his moans of encouragement vibrate throughout my entire being. Then like a tidal wave, I felt it crash into me and I couldn't hold back any longer.

"I -I'm cumming.... fuck yes... I'm cumming!" I cry and he never once let up as I released.

"Shit... I need to fuck you," He growls, pulling himself away from me as I still try to come down from that mind blowing orgasm I just endured. He kicks the chair away as he stands up, and quickly struggles with the condom, trying to be swift about it.

"Forget about it... it's ok... I'm protected... just... just fuck me," I assure him panting and trying to catch my breath. He glances at me with those dark eyes and a sly sexy smirk spreads across his face as I take the condom from his hand and toss it somewhere in the room. Then I reach back down to his shaft and give him a few really good squeezes as he leans into me, crashing his lips to mine. His tongue swipes across my bottom lip sending shivers straight to my core again. I begin to pump him feeling just how incredibly hard he still is, as I position him perfectly and tease just a little.

I then stop as he takes over and I thread my fingers through his curls again, sucking his bottom lip, as hungrily as I could while his hand grabs my hip. Then just like what I was waiting for he pushes inside me and it was the most incredible feeling of pleasure, feeling the ridges of his cock sending ripples of shivers starting at my thighs and moving up. His lips break from mine, moving along my jaw and to my ear while my hands move down over his toned chest, inside his shirt and around to his back, feeling him thrust over and over into me.

"You like that?" He purrs in my ear.

"Uh, huh..." I whimper. His hands move from my hips and up my sides to my breasts, his thumbs brushing my nipples then moving up to the nape of my neck, threading his fingers through my curls and giving me a good grip.

"You like it when I fuck you?" He purrs in my ear, his breath tickling my neck as he playfully bites my earlobe. All I could do was moan even louder than before as he completely fills me up, his words turning me on even more feeling my muscles contract around him and he lets out another groan.

"Harder... make me feel it," I say squeezing my eyes shut as he pins me against the mirror.

"Turn around," He growls in my ear as he pulls out of me, releasing his grip on me for just a moment. I eagerly slide myself down off the table and turn around and he immediately bends me over the table, my hand slapping against the mirror while his hand reaches back up to my curls again, giving me another good grip and pulling my head back to see our reflection in the mirror.

As turned on as I was, I somehow had this little pang of guilt creep up for a split second but that soon melted away as Kenny pushed himself into me once more, making me cry out as those incredible shivers trickled over every inch of my body.

"Fucking Christ... you feel... so fucking good inside me..." I pant again as I see him looking at me through the reflection of the mirror.

"You want it hard baby?"

"Oh, fuck... yes... yes please," I plead and he slaps my butt cheek making me yelp and giggle but then gives me another good tug on my curls again as he thrusts even harder over and over.

"Shit... I'm gonna fucking cum," He groans.

"Do it... fucking... do it," I whimper and cry out, closing my eyes and looking away from our reflection as he cries out with me, releasing his orgasm inside me, leaning over me as he continues to let it go inside me.

Then I hear the door to the dressing room open and as I'm trying to catch my breath, I flip my curls out of my face and look towards the door as Kenny still pants trying to catch his breath

"Hey Kenny.... Holy Shit! Fuck!" Johnny Kelly exclaims as he walks in with a couple of goth girls but then realizes just what was happening.

"What the Fuck?! Get outta here man," Kenny yells as he immediately pulls out of me, quickly pulling up his pants while I quickly pull down my skirt, embarrassed as all hell.

"Shit... ok... fuck I'm so sorry... shit," Johnny says as the girls gasp for a moment and then giggle, as Johnny guides them back out the door leaving Kenny and I alone.

You think I would be used to this happening by now, but nope. I'm just as mortified as I was the first time this happened on a tour bus with....

"Shit... I'm sorry," Kenny says as he moves back over to me.

"It's ok," I say quietly, looking down at myself, adjusting my clothes and making sure I look alright. I flip my curls out of my face and look up at him as he furrows his brow a little and I couldn't help but start to giggle.

"What?" Kenny chuckles as he reaches up and brushes a curl out of my eyes.

"Nothing... nothing... I uh... I just have to use the washroom..." I say and try not to giggle but I just couldn't help it.

"Alright..." Kenny chuckles with me as he gives me a confused look but I just pat him on his bare chest through his unbuttoned black shirt and make my way towards the door and quickly walk out. Once out in the hallway, I walk past Johnny with the two girls and head towards the washrooms feeling Johnny's eyes follow me as I do so.

****

"Hey sorry man I had no idea there was anyone in here," Johnny says when he walks back in the dressing room seeing Kenny buttoning up his shirt.

"Whatever dude," Kenny says still buttoning his shirt as the two goth girls follow in behind Johnny.

"Well... hey, if I could get Chris Cornell's wife to bang me, I'd sure as hell do it in a back room so he wouldn't find out," Johnny says taking a drink of his beer.

"What?" Kenny looks up at him flipping his dark curls out of his eyes, completely confused by that statement.

"What... you mean to tell me you didn't know that was his wife?" Johnny says as the girls go and sit down on the couch. Kenny glances at the girls on the couch and then back down at himself not knowing what to think at all.

"No, she never mentioned... anything..." Kenny trails off looking towards the door.

"Well fuck dude... she's fucking hot man... you fucking lucky bastard," Johnny says patting Kenny on the shoulder and heading over to the couch to sit with the two girls as Kenny walks out the door of the dressing room.


	2. A Living Flame Impossible To Resist

Tacoma Washington, July 26 1994

Standing in front of the mirrors in one of the washrooms that were near the dressing rooms, I fix myself up a little bit, making sure everything looked alright. I can't believe Johnny walked in on us. At least this time, I was able to finish before he walked in and not be left there hanging.

After I fluff my curls a bit, making sure they're tame, I turn and make my way out of the washroom into the long hallway hearing Pantera on stage and more people gathering in the other rooms backstage. As I make my way back to the room, I see Kenny walking towards me.

"Hey, I was uh... wondering when you were gonna come outta there," He smiles at me.

"Oh, yea... I just... had to um... fix myself a bit," I say shyly looking down at my Sepultura band shirt as my dark curls fall down around me. Kenny then reaches up and brushes my curls off my shoulder and leans into my ear so that I could hear over the music.

"You wanna have a few more drinks? Hang out with the guys a bit? I know Peter's got a bunch of girls he 's hanging out with so..." Kenny says. The more I thought about it, the more I kind of just wanted to head home. As much as I really wanted to hang out with Kenny I wasn't sure I was feeling up for it.

"I don't know... I was kinda thinking I might just head home," I say looking up into his eyes as he gives me a concerned look.

"You alright? I mean, I am sorry for Johnny... fuck sakes," Kenny says looking back behind him down the hall.

"Yea, yea... I'm fine, I'm just not sure I wanna hang out with everyone. I have a meeting tomorrow anyways and if I have any more drinks, I'll be too drunk to drive home." I re-assure him with a small smile flipping my curls out of my face.

"Alright, well... I'll uh, walk you to your car," Kenny says looking down at me with those dark brown eyes and I suddenly just wish I could just go back and hang out with everyone, but I don't want to be that girl. I'm not a groupie and I never have been so I don't intend on becoming one now.

"Sure..." I say and he nods while he takes my hand in his and we turn to head out the back way of the venue. As he walks me to my car, he laces his fingers through mine and I really fucking want him all over again.

"Are you really going to drive all the way back to Seattle?" He asks me once we reach my car and I pull out my keys from the pocket of my skirt.

"Yea , why not? I drove all the way here to meet up with you, it's not that far of a drive, only like 45 minutes," I say turning back to him and leaning against my car as he steps a little closer to me.

"Ok, if you really want to then," Kenny says looking away from me for a moment and there was this awkward space between us and I just didn't know what to say.

"Alright, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Why didn't you say anything about being Chris Cornell's wife?" Kenny asks when he looks back at me after a few moments and I wasn't expecting it at all. I look away for a moment and back down at myself jingling my keys in my hand.

"Maybe I should just go," I say and attempt to turn around but Kenny grabs my arm to stop me.

"Andi, no, don't go... It's not any of my business so I shouldn't have..." Kenny trails off as I turn and look back up into those gorgeous brown eyes of his and instantly feel overwhelming guilt about what I had just done.

"It's ok... " I trail off trying to think of what to say. In all honesty I didn't want to be reminded that I was still married to Chris. I didn't want to be reminded of how our marriage fell apart and the horrible heartbreak and emptiness I feel inside.

"Look... I should head back inside. Are you sure you don't just want to hang out? I mean, I honestly don't really want you to go..." He says sweetly.

"I don't think I'll fit in... I mean, I'm not exactly your type," I say half jokingly.

"What do you mean 'not my type' I have a type? No one told me I had a type?" Kenny chuckles and I start to laugh.

"You know what I mean," I giggle.

"Really? Well am I your type?" He raises his eyebrow at me with a sly grin.

"Well yea," I giggle.

"Well hey, there you go, look at that, you're exactly my type," He chuckles placing his hand on his chest and I giggle with him. I have to admit, he is freaking adorable when he flirts in his thick Brooklyn accent. There was a few moments of silence between us again as we just look at each other, the music faintly blasting from inside the venue and the guilt that crept up had disappeared as Kenny brushes my curls off my shoulder.

"Kenny... I'm not really looking for a relationship or anything, even though we just like... fucked in the back room there..." I say a little awkwardly.

"Hey, I never said anything about getting into a relationship... I just wanted to know why you didn't tell me. I mean it doesn't matter, I just wanna make sure it won't affect shit, if you know what I mean," Kenny says as he flicks his eyes over me again, playing with one of my curls and twirling it between his fingers.

"No, no... I just wanna have some fun you know... it's not going to affect anything," I say as I look down at myself for a moment and then look back up at him. Even though deep inside I know that at some point this may become a really bad idea but, my broken heart just doesn't give a shit about anything right now.

"Well, if you wanna have some fun, come back inside with me," He says sweetly.

"You sure it won't be weird?" I ask as I glance back up into those dark brown eyes of his as he steps even closer to me.

"Trust me, the only thing that's weird is Josh... but he's always weird so really that's just normal," Kenny chuckles and I giggle as he moves in and presses his lips to my forehead, while I place my hands on his chest.

I close my eyes and just breathe him in, his faint cologne mixed with whiskey and cigarettes tickling my nostrils in the most wonderful way. His lips move to my temple and then down to that spot just under my earlobe as the gentle summer night breeze blows through. He then breaks away and touches his forehead to mine and I'm suddenly getting this weird Deja Vu moment.

Chris used to hold me like this. God how I missed being held like this.

" Nah, Kenny... I can't, I should head back home. I have a meeting tomorrow and I can't miss it," I moan remembering why I needed to leave in the first place.

"Fuck... ok... ok..." Kenny trails off sounding like he's hesitating and then presses his lips to mine. God how his lips feel so good with mine as he swipes his tongue across my bottom lip again. I reach up and lace my fingers through his curls again, hungrily sucking his bottom lip as his hands move to my hips and around to my lower back, moving up under my shirt and pressing my body to his once more. After a few moments I part my lips from his and he touches his forehead to mine again.

"You better get outta here or I'm gonna have to fuck you right here in your car," He says so seductively and I giggle biting my bottom lip. I give him another quick kiss, then turn and climb in the drivers seat of my '67 jet black Chevy Camero as he closes the door for me.

"We're uh, playing at The Whiskey Saturday night... you wanna meet up?" He asks as I stick the keys in the ignition.

"Um, yea... Yea I think I can do that," I say thoughtfully as I flip my curls out of my face to look up at him.

"Sweet... alright, I'll uh see you Saturday," He smiles and taps the open window as I start the ignition, giving him a sweet smile and then pull out of the parking spot, out of the lot and leaving him behind as I make my way back to Seattle.


	3. Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

Seattle Washington, July 27 1994

"Ok Andi... you can do this. It's not a big deal just go in and tell Susan you're quitting... easy," I say to myself as I sit in my jet black '67 Chevy Camero outside Silver management offices in downtown Seattle.

I can't believe it's come to this. I remember the day that I came in here with Chris, determined to make a good impression and that I could handle working for her and Soundgarden, and now here I am ready to quit. It's crazy to think about everything that's happened in 2 years. I need to move on though and this is just another step in moving on. The big step would be filing for divorce but I'm not ready for that yet. I just don't want to deal with it or think about it anymore. I should've quit a lot earlier but it's better now than never.

I flip down the sun visor, check my make-up and my curls in the mirror, and step out of my car as the gentle summer breeze blows through, rustling my high waisted black flowy skull print skirt against my knees. I push my curls out of my face and head towards the front door, my black lace heel wedges clicking against the concrete. Once I reach the door, I walk inside and see Nina sitting at the reception desk.

"Hi Andi, how are ya?" She smiles sweetly at me as I walk through the door.

"Hey, good... I'm good," I smile back.

"You can just go right on back... Susan's in her office," She says sweetly.

"Cool thanks," I say and head down the hall to Susan's office. Once I reach her door, I look down at myself adjusting my white spaghetti strap tank that was tucked into my skirt and re-tie my sheer white button up shirt at the bottom. I let out a long breath and brace myself to knock on her door.

Andrea, you're ok, just get it over with...

I knock on the door and hear some talking from the other side and then the door opens and Susan gives me a smile.

"Andi, hi... How are you?" She greets me sweetly.

"Hi, I'm good... I'm good," I smile.

"Well come in," Susan smiles and steps aside holding the door. I give a little nod and step through and just as I do, I thought I was about to fall over dead.

Sitting in the chair across from Susan's desk was Chris, taking the last drag of his cigarette before butting it out and exhaling the cloud of smoke into the air. I had no idea what to do or what to feel. I felt the whole world stop and my whole body felt like it was on fire.

"Well come in and have a seat, we'll uh... get to the paperwork," She says as she closes the door and moves back over to sit behind her desk.

I didn't even hear Susan say anything as Chris looks up at me with his short spiky, half curly hair wearing a faded red plaid shirt unbuttoned half way down like he usually does with his necklaces laying perfectly against his chest. His jeans , his Doc's, his perfectly trimmed beard and those gorgeous blue eyes that I always used to lose myself in.

"Hi," Chris says shyly but sweetly as his eyes quickly flick over my body. I couldn't even say anything as I felt frozen to the spot unable to even move over to the chair.

"Hi," I say clearing my throat and finally getting the courage to say something. There is no way I'm letting him think I can't be in the same room as him. I can do this. I move over to the chair and sit down, flipping my curls out of my face as I try to just relax.

"Ok so... Andi, called me to set up a meeting cause she wanted to resign but, Andi I really want you to stay working for me. The work that you've done just with Soundgarden alone is such a weight taken off my shoulders," Susan says as she looks at me and then glances at Chris.

"I drew up a new contract so if you want to... I would like you to just work soley for me, stay on as a P.A and even move up with other bands as I take them on," Susan continues.

"Um... but what about the contract that I signed to P.A for... Soundgarden?" I ask quickly glancing at Chris desperately trying to put my personal feelings aside.

"Well that's what I was getting to. I have an agreement here to break the contract between you and Soundgarden which would leave you to just work freely for me. Kim Matt and Ben have already signed so we just needed you and Chris to sign and this was the only time I could get you both to sign, since Chris has been so busy..." Susan explains. I had no idea what to even say at this point. I really do like working for Susan and never in a million years did I ever think that I would. I'm honestly surprised that she doesn't want me to quit and that she's fighting to keep me on. Chris glances at me and all I wanted to do was just get this over with and get out of here.

"Um, sure yea I'll stay on," I say trying to keep myself from falling apart.

"Alright," Susan smiles and then reaches to the left of her desk and slides two folders to me.

"Ok, so this one just basically breaks the contract between you and Soundgarden. As you can see, I just need you to sign on the last page... you can read it over if you want to," Susan says as she opens the folder and hands me a pen. I quickly glance over the contract finding everything looks pretty standard, then sign on the last page and pass it over to Chris. I quickly glance at him as he takes it, glancing back at me, and quickly signs on the last page.

"Alright, and the second one there is just your basic re-hire form with a contract, it's pretty much the same as before," Susan explains as I read over the second contract, and notice that my salary increased as well. I hold in my smile to myself and flip to the last page and sign.

"Ok, I'll uh, just go make copies for you two and I'll be right back," Susan smiles taking the folders from us and disappearing out of the office leaving Chris and I alone.

It felt like an eternity sitting there with Chris in silence. Of all the things that I could choose to go through right now, sitting here is not one of them. I look down at my silver studded wrist cuff and gently twirl it around my wrist feeling Chris studying me with those blue eyes of his. I was doing everything I could to not look at him because if I do, I'm afraid I'll crumble into a million pieces.

"Who would've guessed it would take this long to make copies," Chris smirks but I still say nothing. I can still feel him looking at me and then I hear him sigh, leaning back in his chair and resting his leg across his knee. After a few minutes I glance over at him nonchalantly and decide to say something.

"The paper probably got stuck again," I say quietly and his eyes flick to me as I look away and at Susan's desk while the silence filled the room once more.

"So, um... how are you?" Chris asks gently after a while of sitting in silence.

"I'm ok...you?" I ask, glancing down at the arm of my chair and playing with the fabric.

"Same... just busy," He says glancing down, playing with the laces of his boot.

"Yea, me too," I say quietly and more silence ticks by.

"I saw that um... Black Hole Sun went to number 1... congrats," I say quietly glancing over at him and his eyes flick back to mine. Even though I wanted to run from the room and as much as my heart is breaking inside, I didn't want to be the one to give him the cold shoulder. He may deserve it but I'm better than that.

"Thanks," He grins shyly at me and even more silence ticks by.

"You still staying with Selena?" He asks looking back down at his boot and playing with the laces again.

"No, I uh, moved out a few months ago,"

"You still in town?" He asks

"Uh huh, not too far from here actually," I say as I fidget with the bottom of my sheer white button up shirt.

"You um... you seeing... anyone?" He asks with his eyes glancing at me after a few moments and I felt the floor almost drop out from under me. I thought about it for a minute, trying to decide if I should tell him about Kenny but I really don't need to. Kenny and I aren't even really a thing, we're just having fun. I'm just having fun. It's not even really Chris's business but then again, a part of me wanted to know if Chris was seeing anyone as well.

"No, no I'm not....You?" I ask flicking my eyes over his body for a moment.

"Nah.... no time to really," He says looking back down at his boot.

"Yea," I say and look back down at myself and more silence filled the room.

"You look amazing, by the way," Chris says quietly looking at his boot and then glancing back at me and it suddenly felt like my heart was about to burst through my chest. I glance up at him and give him a small smile, then suddenly feel my heart breaking into a million pieces just like I knew it would.

"Andi I -" Chris starts but is cut off when Susan finally comes back in the office.

"Sorry 'bout that, the paper got stuck in that stupid copier and it took forever for me to... uh well you know," Susan says and hands me a copy of my new contract along with the old one and hands a copy to Chris as well.

"Ok so Andi... I will see you sometime next week and we'll set something up," Susan smiles at me as I stand up from the chair and flip my curls out of my face.

"Chris, I'll call you once we figure out where to go with management and everything,"

"Sure, sounds good," Chris says sweetly as I head to the door and step outside, hearing Susan and Chris faintly speaking from the other side of the door. I walk down the hallway, saying goodbye to Nina and make my way to the front door stepping outside to the summer air of Seattle.

I wanted to get away from the building as fast as I could. I didn't want to relive my heartbreak even though I'm still going through it but seeing Chris there just re-amplified those feelings and I just wanted to run away.

Why does he have to look so fucking good? Why can't he just not, and then it would make it so much easier for me to hate him. But I don't hate him. I never hated him. I still love him, I just can't watch him drown himself in alcohol and have him continue to ignore me and the situation between us as if nothing happened. As if losing the baby never happened.

As I walk to my car, I wipe away a tear that started to make it's way down my cheek, the gentle summer breeze blowing through my curls. Once I finally reach my car, I climb in and close the door, setting the new contract on the passenger seat and placing the key in the ignition. As I wipe away another tear, I start up the engine when suddenly it just sputters and stops.

"What the - ?" I say to myself and try to start the engine again, but it just sputters for a few seconds and stops again. I take the key out completely confused and put it back in, the dashboard lights not indicating anything is wrong and I gently try to start the engine again. Once again it sputters and stops.

"Come on baby don't do this now, please," I say to myself and try the engine again but it just sputters and stops. I suddenly just couldn't handle it as I try to start the engine but it just wont turn over and then pound my hand against the steering wheel and lean my forehead against it, then start to cry.

Of all the times for this to happen, of course it would right now. Just as soon as I think I'm feeling better, there's always something to kick me back down. I take in a deep breath, trying to stop my tears and lean back against the seat. I thread my fingers through the roots of my hair trying to think of what to do. I could just walk home and call for a tow truck but I really didn't want to walk in these heels. I drop my hands from my hair and wipe the rest of my tears from my cheeks and notice Chris walking out of Susan's office and into the parking lot where I was.

"Ok, no you have to start... please just start," I say as I sit up quickly and turn the key in the ignition but still it sputters and stops. I try a few more times with no luck and I see Chris walking towards me and all I wanted to do was just hide under my car. Maybe have it run me over, oh wait it won't start, fuck sakes!

"You alright?" Chris asks, walking up to my car door his eyebrows pulled together looking concerned as I practically fight with my car. I flip my curls out of my face and quickly look up at him, then shrug as I try to hide the fact that I was just crying.

"Yea... no, I don't fucking know," I say frustratedly as I reach for the key again and try to turn the ignition but once again, it sputters and stops.

"You outta gas?" He asks me as I slump back in the seat.

"No, I think the battery is dead maybe... but my dashboard lights aren't indicating anything," I say as I look at the dashboard.

"Here, give me a second and I'll give you a boost," Chris says and walks away towards his pick-up truck, the same one he's had since I met him.

"Pop the hood!" He yells climbing out of his truck now with a cigarette between his lips and 2 jumper cables. I pull the little lever and he lifts up the hood connecting the jumper cables from my battery to his. After a few minutes he tells me to start it up and once I turn the key again, it sputters and then comes to life.

Oh thank god!

I give a few reves of the engine and then step out of my car.

"I'll uh, just let it run here for a few minutes," Chris says as he exhales a cloud of smoke, squinting his eyes from the rising smoke of the cigarette.

"Ok.... thank you," I say as his eyes flick over me again while I flip my curls out of my face. Suddenly I'm reminded of the time when we took a trip to hike up in the mountains just before we were leaving to head on the GNR tour and the truck broke down on the side of the highway. It's funny to think of it now but man he was pissed. I smile to myself at the memory and start to giggle while Chris looks back at me with a smirk.

"What?" Chris chuckles exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Nothing... just... nothing," I say shaking the memory away while Chris still looks at me with those eyes. After a few moments, he puts the cigarette back to his lips looking away and pulls the jumper cables off my car, closing the hood.

"You should be fine now... you might just have to give a good run on the highway before you head home though," He says as he takes the jumper cables off his truck and closes his hood.

"Ok," I say quietly as he throws the cables into the passenger side of his truck and walks back over to me butting out his cigarette. We lock eyes for a few moments and I suddenly started to feel the heartbreak creep up again, reering it's ugly head and reminding me just how much I need to get out of here.

"I should get going," I say breaking the moment between us and looking away from him as I push a few curls out of my face from the breeze blowing through.

"Yea, yea... sure," Chris says blinking a few times and shaking his head and I turn and climb back into my car. Chris watches me for a minute and then walks around to the drivers side of his truck, giving me a small wave as I pull out of my spot. I wave back and fight the urge to cry, feeling my bottom lip tremble for a moment and take in a deep breath and exhaling quickly as I pull out of the parking lot, heading out towards the highway to give her a good run before I head home.


	4. I Don't Need Love

West Hollywood California, July 31 1994

Coming in off the highway into downtown Los Angeles is quite the nerve wracking experience especially during rush hour. I had made the long trek from Seattle in my '67 jet black Camero realizing that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to drive all the way here. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind driving now, I'm getting pretty used to it and as much as I love this car, I made the mistake of buying it used so it's not as reliable as I thought it would be. What should have been just a 10 hour drive, turned into a 2 day drive for the way my car was acting up.

It broke down 2 times on my way here but I was able to grab a hotel room in Redding for a much needed rest and then make my way to Los Angeles from there. Once again the battery died randomly and it still didn't alert me that there was anything wrong. It's probably a dead cell in the battery or something, but at least I had a couple of people help me boost it on the road. I can tell you right now though, I'm going to have to figure something out to get back home because there is no way I'm trusting her to get me back to Seattle. I'm just glad I was able to make it here in time to see Type O Negative play tonight at The Whiskey A Go-Go.

About 30 minutes later, I was finally able to make it to a hotel that was close to The Whiskey in Hollywood and book myself a room. I took my time cleaning myself up, taking a nice hot shower and then deciding what I was going to wear. It was freaking hot here in Los Angeles so I went with a short black ripped up mini skirt, my cut up Dead Kennedy's tank top, my Doc's and as I clasp my silver studded wrist cuff, I suddenly felt strange about not seeing my wedding ring on my finger. It's weird, most of the time I'm fine but then I start to feel weird and guilty if I think about it too much. I'm still not used to seeing the ring gone from my hand. I glance up at myself in the full length mirror as I play with my ring finger for just a moment, then shake off the feeling by walking back over to the bar fridge and indulging in a little Jack Daniels.

I did my make up - my classic black smoky eye - and let my curls down naturally flowing just passed my shoulders while I sip on a mini bottle of Jack and remember the first time I ever met Kenny. It was years ago when Soundgarden was playing at L'Amour in Brooklyn New York and I accidentally bumped into him with my drink. I remember trying so hard not to freak out but I was such a fan of him and the Slow Deep And Hard record. Who would've thought all these years later when I went to see Type O Negative at the OZ Nightclub back home in Seattle that I would run into him again up at the bar after their set.

Once I decide I look alright, I down another little mini Jack Daniels bottle, and head out of my hotel room to make my way to The Whiskey. I can't fucking wait to just have fun and the few little mini bottles of Jack that I drank, have me feeling pretty good. I'm not drunk of course but I definitely feel pretty good. For a Saturday night down the strip in Hollywood, it's actually not that busy at all. I remember the last time I was here and there were so many wannabe glam bands covering the downtown strip. It's crazy how the times can change in just 5 years.

I finally arrive at The Whiskey, pay the guy at the door and head inside. I'm instantly reminded of when Chris played here which made me smile a bit at the memory. Fuck, that seems like a lifetime ago. The place was still the exact same and there wasn't very many people in here to begin with. I'm a little early mind you but the place was still pretty much empty. I'm not even sure if the band is here yet so I decide to head up to the bar, grab a stool and order myself a Jack and Coke.

"Hey Andi, how are ya?"

I hear a deep voice from behind me as the bartender slides over my Jack and Coke. I turn an look up to see Kim Thayil with a beer in hand.

"Oh, hi, I'm good... um how are you?" I say slightly in shock but happy to see him.

"I'm good... you here to see Type O Negative?" He asks a little awkwardly.

"Yea, yea I... wanted to take the trip to see them. It's been a while since I've been in California and the last time I had tickets to see them, I left in the middle of their set..." I say awkwardly remembering the night that Chris and I had that fight when I walked all the way home drunk and pissed off. There was no way I was going to tell him that I actually saw them again in June after that incident. Even though Kim and I have remained friends since he is still dating Selena, I was feeling a little nervous at the fact that he was here too.

"Is Sel here with you?" I ask as I take a sip of my drink.

"No, she couldn't get the time off work... I guess another girl quit at the clothing store so she had to do a lot of overtime until she can hire a couple of more people. We're uh, actually playing tomorrow night at the Olympic Auditorium, so I thought I'd come and check out Type O," Kim explains.

"Oh... cool," I say.

"It's pretty empty in here isn't it?" Kim says looking around and taking a sip of his beer.

"Yea but it's still early I think," I say as I flip my curls out of my face while I set my drink back down on the bar. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the back door open beside the stage, letting in the blinding fluorescent light of the hallway to the dressing rooms. Peter walks out on to the stage, catching a glimpse of me and giving me a little nod which made it feel like my cheeks were on fire. I give a small smile back and he checks some of the equipment for a moment and then disappears back through the door. Taking another sip of my drink I suddenly feel Kim looking at me with a slightly confused look on his face. Then the door opens again and I see Kenny walk through with his black Gibson SG with the painted green fret board, in a plain black lose tank tucked into his black jeans, his jet black curls just flowing passed his shoulders, swaying with each stride of his boots.

Jesus Christ he looks so good

He steps up onto the stage, sets up his guitar, setting it down on the stand and then looking up to see me as he jumps down off the stage. My heart was already beginning to pound as he walks towards me with Kim still standing with me and giving me a really confused look.

"Hey you," Kenny smiles so sweetly at me.

"Hi," I say shyly and Kenny glances at Kim, his expression now realizing who was standing with me.

"You're uh... you're Kim Thayil right...? Soundgarden?" Kenny says.

"Last time I checked," Kim smirks and Kenny chuckles. Kim holds out his hand and Kenny shakes it as they introduce themselves. They chat for a few moments and I had no idea what to even do or say other than sit on my stool and sip my drink.

Well this is awkward...

"...yea I thought, I'd come and check you guys out... Andi didn't mention anything about knowing you though," Kim says and glances at me for a second taking a sip of his beer.

"Oh, did you two come here together - "

"No... no" I cut Kenny off quickly not meaning to but I don't want him to think Kim and I are here together.

"I guess I just forgot to mention it," I add as I glance up at Kim. I seriously wish this wasn't happening right now.

"Well I'll uh, leave you two to uh... you know whatever...I'll tell Selena you said hi " Kim says taking a sip of his beer, winking at me and patting me on the shoulder.

"Alright..." I say giving him an awkward smile again and he turns and heads to another part of the bar on the opposite side of the room. Kenny glances at me with those dark eyes of his but he seemed to be completely fine.

"You didn't tell me you were friends with him," Kenny states reaching up and brushing a curl out of my eyes as I set my drink back down on the bar. 

"Yea, I've know him for years... he's actually dating my best friend so we still talk sometimes," I explain as Kenny glances over my body and then back to my eyes.

"Well... I'm glad you made it," Kenny smiles at me sweetly as he moves closer placing his hands on my hips.

"Me too," I say sweetly and place my arms on his shoulders instantly feeling so much better that seeing Kim here didn't make him feel weird at all. He leans into me and places his lips on mine and I instantly feel those amazing shivers run throughout my entire body. Just as soon as I deepen the kiss, he moves his lips to my earlobe and I giggle a little as he starts to tickle me.

"You wanna come back with me for a little bit? Everyone's back in the room having a few drinks and hanging out," He asks when he breaks away from me and I reach for my drink and take another sip. I glance behind me for a moment as I see more people coming through the doors and then nonchalantly glance over where Kim was, though I'm not sure why I did. It's not like Kim is going to do anything so I don't know why I'm feeling worried. I take another long sip of my drink as I look at Kenny, then squeeze my eyes shut as I knock the last of my Jack and Coke back.

"Um, yea... sure why not?" I say as I set my empty glass back down on the bar. I hop down off the barstool and Kenny smiles at me as my curls bounce a little, he takes my hand and I follow him to the side of the stage and to the back door, feeling Kim watch me from the other side of the room. I don't know if he was actually watching me but it felt like it. I don't care though. I was feeling good enough not to care at this point. The drinks I had are just starting to hit me and it felt good.

As we step through the door to the long fluorescent lit hallway, Kenny laces his fingers through mine as we walk and I'm instantly reminded of all the years I used to do this with Chris.

Ok Andrea, just stop... he's not Chris so just stop it.

As I walk down the hallway with him I scan the place, remembering there was a small empty room back here beside the larger dressing room. I give his hand a little squeeze and he looks down at me for a moment.

"What?" He chuckles and I look up at him, giving him a sly smirk. With my hand still in his, I place my other hand on his forearm, walking backwards, leading him into the empty room that still had that same large leather reading chair and small table. He chuckles as he follows me in and closes the door behind us.

Kenny steps in front of me but I just pull him to me, crashing my lips to his and I can feel that I startled him for a moment as I do so but soon enough his lips respond to me as I reach up and lace my fingers through his jet black curls. I eagerly suck his bottom lip as his hands move to my hips and slowly up under my shirt and around to my back discovering that I'm not wearing a bra at all.

"Fuck I missed you," He breathes as his lips move to that spot under my ear that just drives me crazy. I hesitate for a moment flicking my eyes open, surprised at the fact that he said that. Honestly I kind of missed him too but there is no fucking way I'm telling him that. Right now I've got one thing on my mind and I don't want to ruin it with niceties. I squeeze my eyes shut again, regaining my focus and then move my hands directly down to his belt, unbuckling as quickly as I can, popping open the button and pulling down the zipper.

"Shit," He exhales quickly once I take him in my hand, giving him a few really good squeezes, feeling the length of him grow increasingly quick and feeling myself completely turned on by just how big he really was.

"Wanna show me how much you missed me?" I whisper in his ear as I start to move my hand up and down the length of him. He gives me a moan unable to make out any more words as I continue to stroke him. Taking that as a sign, I move him over to the chair and he drops down, looking up at me while I climb up on my knees, positioning myself to straddle him. Crashing my lips to his again, I lace my fingers through his curls then move my hands down to the bottom of his shirt, and desperately try to pull it up over him. He chuckles against my lips and breaks away for a moment as I'm finally able to pull it off him, his curls falling down around his shoulders.

I take a moment and glance over his bare toned chest, moving my hands over his shoulders, down his biceps and tracing my finger along the tribal tattoo on his left bicep. His dark eyes lock to mine again and he bites his bottom lip as I gently tracing my finger in between his pecs, down to his abs. I bite my bottom lip as his dark eyes lock on to mine, his hands moving up my thighs, moving my skirt up and discovering I'm also not wearing any panties either. I quickly move my hands to the bottom of my Dead Kennedy's tank top and lift it up over my head, revealing my bare chest to him, my dark curls fall down around my shoulders as I let my shirt fall to the floor.

"Shit baby... you are so fucking gorgeous," He breathes and the sound of those words instantly turn me into a puddle. It's been so long since I've heard those words that I felt my cheeks blush a little bit. His one hand continues to move up over my hips, over my stomach and up to my ribs while his other hand moves up my thigh, trailing his fingers to my clit, softly stroking almost barely touching me as I lean forward just a little, relishing in his touch.

He continues to use various circular motions, stroking me just the way I like it, while his other hand continues to move up my ribs and to my breast. His thumb brushes across my nipple when he then moves to places his lips on my nipple, gently teasing at first and then flicking with his tongue, making a moan escape from my lips. As soon as he slipped a finger inside me, I thought I was going to explode.

"Holy fuck, don't... stop," I pant.

"Don't worry baby... I'm not going to stop until you cum," He says so lustfully and turns his attention to my other nipple repeating the same process, sucking gently, flicking his tongue. It wasn't long until I could feel that familiar pressure building inside me as I lace my fingers through his curls again.

"Kenny... fuck," I pant unable to form any words and in one movement without losing any rhythm at all, his hands grip my hips and he pulls me down pushing himself inside me as my orgasm explodes. The feeling of him inside me is overwhelming sending shivers starting from my thighs all the way up to the top of my head, whimpering and moaning as I release.

"Fuck... yes baby you feel so fucking good," I pant as I grind my hips to match his rhythm, making sure I feel every inch of him inside me. I arch my back and lean back a little as his hands move around to my lower back to brace me. He continues to thrust while I rock my hips with him, feeling his lips trail from my nipple to my ribs, placing more soft sweet kisses along the way.

"Fuck... I'm gonna fucking cum," Kenny moans leaning his forehead to my ribs. With that, I rock my hips a little more and another deep groan escapes from his throat, then a cry as he releases inside me. He then holds me for a few moments panting a little with his forehead still pressed to my ribs, my fingers still laced through his curls and he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me. It felt good being in his arms. I can't even tell you how long it's been since I felt a man hold me like this.

"Um... you wanna go hang out now?" I ask shyly after a while of him holding me. He lifts his head from my chest and looks up at me with those dark eyes of his. He reaches up and brushes a few stray curls from my face and I gently lean my head into his palm. He then pulls me down to him and presses his lips to mine in a long soulful kiss, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip and just as he was about to deepen the kiss even further, I break away from him, touch my forehead to his and close my eyes for a moment.

I don't know what it is that I'm feeling or even why I'm feeling anything at all but the way he is with me just makes me feel wanted. Something I haven't felt in a very long time.

"Yea... yea let's go and uh, have a few drinks," He says. I lift myself from him, flipping my curls out of my face, then pull my skirt back down and move over to pick up my shirt as Kenny rises from the chair, pulling up his jeans and moves to find his shirt. Once he pulls his shirt over his head he watches me as I pull down my tank top, flipping my curls as they fall down around my shoulders and try to adjust everything correctly.

"Do I look alright?" I ask once I smooth out my shirt.

"You look hot babe," He smirks.

"I don't look like we just fucked back here, do I?" I ask a little worried.

"Well yea... but no, you look good baby," He chuckles and I give him a small smile as he holds out his hand for me to take. I place my hand in his and he leads me out of the room, down the hall a few more steps and into the dressing room where Johnny, Peter and Josh were drinking and hanging out with a bunch of girls and a few other friends of the band.

This was the first time that I would be hanging out with all of them and I suddenly felt like I wanted to run out of here. As much as I try to not let it remind me of hanging out with Kim, Matt and Ben backstage when I was with Chris, I can't help but feel strange about it. The one thing that's different though is that there a ton more girls back here. Soundgarden never had girls hanging around backstage and if they did, it was because they were dating either Kim, Matt or Ben. Most of the time we all just drank and talked about normal things and obviously got drunk while doing it.

"I uh... I'm just gonna use the washroom," I say as I lean into Kenny for a moment.

"Sure," He says and I could tell that he was about to lean in and place a kiss on my temple, but instead I touch his chest for a moment and make my way to the washroom, passed the couch that Peter was sitting on with a group of goth girls, feeling him glance at me for a moment but then turning back to them as I close the door to the washroom.

In the washroom, I take a look over myself in the mirror. My make-up still looked good so at least I was alright there and I just gave myself a quick clean up. Once I was finished, I make sure my curls still looked alright and give myself a few minutes before I head back out. I can hear everyone laughing and drinking and Johnny saying something to Kenny about why he took so long to set up his gear which made my cheeks burn a little but I couldn't make out what Kenny said back as it was muffled by the bathroom door.

Ok Andi, you can do this. You're fine. You've done this countless times before. Fucking hell, I need a drink.


	5. I'll Fuck Your Warmth And Your Lies

West Hollywood California, July 31 1994

I step out of the washroom and see everyone drinking and laughing with each other. Peter was still on the couch with the group of girls as they were laughing and flirting with each other, Johnny was over by Kenny as they were laughing about something and I couldn't tell what, and Josh was on the other side of the room, smoking away not really saying anything to anyone.

I glance over and see Kenny smirking at me so cutely so I decide to head over to where they were sitting and grab a seat on the smaller couch beside Kenny.

"You good?" He asks as he takes a drag of his cigarette.

"Yea," I exhale flipping my curls out of my face.

"You look like you need a drink. Jack and Coke?" Johnny smiles as he walks over to the bar fridge and makes a drink.

"Uh, yea... thanks," I smile when he walks back over and hands it to me.

"Andi, right?' He asks as I take a sip.

"Yea," I say shyly as Kenny turns placing his arm around the back of the couch, his leg resting across his knee as he leans towards me a little.

"Well, it's nice to meet you," Johnny says sweetly.

"It's um, nice to meet you too. At least I have my clothes on this time," I joke and Johnny just gives me a look as Kenny chuckles.

"...'cause you walked in on us... last time," I explain feeling completely awkward but Johnny starts to laugh.

"Oh, fuck... yea I forgot about that... you're not still embarrassed by that are you?" Johnny chuckles.

"Well obviously not if she made a joke man," Kenny laughs at him exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"You uh... used to work for Soundgarden right? You were their P.A?" Johnny asks as he takes a sip of his beer. Kenny raises his eyebrow at him.

"What...? I read it somewhere in an issue of Kerrang," Johnny says and Kenny glances over at me waiting for me to say something.

"Um, yea... something like that. I work for Silver Management now though. Well, I always worked for Silver Management but it was strictly for Soundgarden but now I'm... just working... for Susan..." I explain trailing off a little bit and take another huge sip of my drink.

Thank god this drink is strong

"So are you like a manager now or...?" Johnny asks.

"No, I'm still a P.A for now. I just signed a new contract with Silver Management so that I can work with any band or whatever... and then move up to management if it's needed," I explain as Kenny glances over me for a moment.

"So you were like on the GN'R tour then right?" Johnny asks.

"Uh huh," I say and take another large sip of my drink.

"Man that must've been crazy. When we toured with Motley Crue like, what, just a few months ago it was so different. We were expecting like all this crazy shit but for them the tour was a flop, for us, it was pretty good though," Johnny explains.

"Yea... it was uh... something," I say as I look down at my drink and I feel Kenny giving me a concerned look and I really didn't want to talk about the GN'R tour or anything that had to do with Soundgarden. Suddenly as if someone was listening to my thoughts, one of the girls in the room came over and distracted Johnny from asking me any more questions, following her and leaving me and Kenny on the couch together.

"You probably have to start soon... so I should head out to the bar," I say and take the last sip of my drink.

"You sure babe? You can hang back with us... well I guess there really isn't much of a backstage area anyways," Kenny says sweetly butting out his cigarette.

"Yea, I'm sure... it's ok. I think I might try one of those fancy drinks maybe... and I like watching you from the crowd," I say and Kenny raises his eyebrow at me.

"What?" I giggle.

"Nothing, here I'll come out with you," He chuckles.

We rise from the and he walks out in the long fluorescent lit hallway with me with the rest of the guys following behind us.

"Meet me back here after?" Kenny asks sweetly as we walk up to the backstage door and I stop and turn to lean against the wall as Kenny steps in front of me to face me.

"Sure," I smile sweetly at him. He leans in and presses his lips to mine and I couldn't help but suck that bottom lip of his. As his tongue swipes across my bottom lip, he reaches up to cup my face in his palm, deepening the kiss, Peter walks by first teasing us, his voice sounding a little hoarse from the cold he seemed to be fighting off. Kenny breaks away from me, yelling back at him which made me laugh as they all pass us and walk through the stage door.

*****

It was towards the end of Type O's set and the crowd hadn't grown much at all. It was actually pretty cool that it wasn't crazy busy but the only chicks in here other than me were just that group of girls that Peter was hanging out with earlier. I regained my position up at the bar with a perfect view of Kenny on stage. I ordered Jack straight up - I changed my mind about a fancy drink. I can't help it, I love whisky.

Kim still happened to be in the crowd as well so as their set continued, Kim eventually made his way back over to me and we hung out for a little bit once again, and caught up a bit more. He didn't mention anything about me going backstage with Kenny so at least it didn't make me feel weird. Kim and I always had a friendship outside the relationship I had with Chris. Whenever I felt I couldn't talk to Chris, I knew I could always talk to Kim and he never once chose a side, even when Chris and I first spilt up.

"So... you and Kenny huh?" Kim smirks.

"Me and Kenny what?" I deflect the question as I sip my whiskey. Kim just gives me another smirk and shakes his head at me.

"What?" I ask again.

"Andi come on... you don't have to hide it from me, I don't care. Just as long as it's what you wanna do," Kim says taking a sip of his beer.

"Why wouldn't it be something I wanna do?" I say and take a sip of my whiskey as 'Summer Breeze' comes to an end.

"Alright what time is it... oh thanks for the light," Peter says hoarsely into the mic and looks at his watch.

"What...? 5 after 12? " Peter says as he starts to play a random tune on his bass. 

"It's the tuning song," Peter jokes as someone hollers for him to keep going.

"Ok are you ready elephant man? Screw it up as best you can... do what you do best" Peter says to Josh.

"What are we doing?" Josh asks faintly away from the mic as Kenny randomly plucks his guitar waiting. Kim and I start to laugh at how random they seem to be on stage. Kenny says something to Peter but he didn't say it into the mic so I couldn't tell what it was but Peter started laughing.

"Who's turn is it to turn into a vampire?" Peter jokes and I glance over at the group of girls he was with earlier and they all seem to just giggle awkwardly.

"He's gonna turn into Quasimodo," Kenny says to Peter, walking up to the mic and a few more laughs are heard from the crowd.

"One hump or two?" Peter chuckles and I almost spit out my drink.

"C'mon man you're waisting time, I wanna get outta here... Look... look at him he's drunk... drunk and scared... one drunk motherfucker" Peter jokes in his thick Brooklyn accent ripping on Kenny.

"Hey Kenny, think we're goin' in ta' ponas tonight?" Kenny jokes imitating Peter's voice in such a thick Brooklyn accent that I could barley make it out but it was so fucking funny.

"G'head stupid," Peter jokes with a defiant look on his face. Kenny shoots something back at him but I couldn't hear as he was too far away from the mic.

"We're waiting for you... c'mon..." Peter jokes and Kenny shakes his head at him still plucking randomly on his guitar.

"You're not waiting for me," Kenny asks

"Yea,"

"No, you're not fucking waiting for me"

"What the fuck is going on? Do they always to that?" Kim asks me laughing.

"Yea," I giggle.

"Sure we're waiting for you, what are we doing?" Peter says hoarsely into the mic.

"Christian Woman," Kenny says as if Peter didn't know what they were going to play next.

"No way,"

"Yes," Kenny says.

"Ok hit it Josh... two more songs sorry, it'll seem like four though" Peter says and the beginning of Christian woman starts as I take another sip shaking my head at them. You got to admit though they are fucking hilarious with each other.

Kim and I continue to talk for a while as I watch Kenny up on stage. He asks me a little more about how I'm doing and I could tell he wanted to talk me about Chris, but decided not to. I think he misses seeing us together which is so strange but I get it. Chris is his best friend and we were together for such a long time.

"I just wanted to say that, I miss you as our P.A. I mean, we apparently have this new chick now and she nice and all but... she doesn't get us y'know?" Kim says taking a long swallow of his beer.

"Kim -" I start but he cuts me off.

"No, I know... I just... I just wanted to tell you that. In case you never hear it from anyone else, you were the best person for us," Kim says glancing down at his beer for a second and then takes another long swallow. He always gets like this when he's drunk. He's so sarcastic and witty when he's sober but as soon as he's had a few, he turns into this big teddy bear and that's when he usually lets his real feelings out. I look up at him while he continues to look down at his beer. He then glances at me and I offer a small smile and he waves it off taking the last sip of his beer and setting it down on the bar.

"Well, I'm gonna head out here so um... I guess I'll see you when I see you?" Kim says sweetly once the last part of 'I know You're Fucking Someone Else' ended.

"Um, yea... sure," I say. I could tell Kim wanted to lean in to hug me goodbye but he wasn't sure given the circumstances. Instead, he offers a shy smile, patting my lightly on my shoulder and walks passed me towards the doors.

"Alright uh, thanks for coming out... hope you all can make it out for another show on this tour, once again I'm sorry for my voice but uh... yea, thank you so much... G'night," Peter says as Johnny and Josh are the first ones to head off stage first and the rest of the small crowd head towards the doors. I down the last of my drink and wait for most of the people to leave The Whiskey. Once it was practically empty except for a few stragglers, I start to head to the back stage door and it opens with Kenny stepping through now with his leather jacket on.

"Hey babe, " He says sweetly.

"Hey," I smile back at him. He steps up on to the stage and grabs his guitar from the stand.

"We uh, just gotta pack up and then we can head out," He says as he steps down off the stage and walks over to me with his guitar.

"Ok sure... um, do you just want to come back to the hotel with me?" I say a little nervously since I wasn't sure if he had a room or if he was just staying on the tour bus with the guys.

"Sure," He smiles sweetly as he places his hand on my hip.

"Unless you have to go or something... "I say.

"No, no we don't have to leave right away," He says as he pulls me closer to him and places a kiss to that spot just under my earlobe.

"I just gotta grab some stuff off the bus and I'm all yours baby," He says as he breaks away from me.

"Ok, I'll uh, meet you outside?" I say and he nods and places a kiss on my forehead. Suddenly it was like I had a flash back, remembering all the times that Chris used to do that the very same way. I close my eyes for a second to rid the memory and turn quickly and head towards the front doors of The Whiskey with Kenny watching me for a moment and then disappearing behind the backstage door.


	6. Keep Me Safe And Warm Tonight

West Hollywood California, July 31 1994

"So, you drove all the way here from Seattle?" Kenny asks as I step through my hotel room door first and set the key down on the little side table.

"Yea, I should've really caught a flight here but I thought I'd be alright just driving. Stupid Chevy broke down like twice on my way here so I would've been here sooner but... you know. I booked a flight to head back home though 'cause I'm not trusting my car at all" I explain half giggling as I walk over and sit down on the bed to untie my Doc's, flipping my curls out of my face as I do so.

"When do you have to head home?" He asks as he closes the door.

"Monday... well really tomorrow so I can be back to work on Monday. I have a couple of meetings with Susan for my new position so..." I trail off untying my one boot and setting it down on the floor, then moving to the other.

"Well fuck, that doesn't give us a lot of time then," He says taking off his leather Jacket and draping it over the arm of the chair that was opposite of the bed.

"I know," I say as I glance over at him as he flips his curls out of his face. He glances over at me with those gorgeous dark eyes and I find myself suddenly fantasizing about those lips of his again. The way they slightly pout, and his smooth clean shaven boyish features with a strong jawline and a slight dimple in his chin.

"So what did you have in mind?" He asks.

I bite my bottom lip and move up to kneel on the bed, crawling over to him on my knees. I immediately reach out, grabbing his leather belt unbuckling it, and pulling out his shirt to lift up over his head. He chuckles a little as his jet black curls fall down around his shoulders, while I toss his shirt across the room.

"I can think of a few things," I say cheekily as I bat my dark brown eyes at him.

"Fuck," He exhales as I lift my low cut Dead Kennedy's tank top over my head and tossing it across the room, my dark curls falling down around my shoulders revealing my bare chest to him. I let my eyes wonder over his toned abs and up, my hands trailing not far behind, feeling every muscle beneath my fingertips. I eventually let my fingertips reach his lips, softly touching that bottom lip and wanting those lips to kiss every inch of my body.

His hands snake around to the small of my back, pulling me into him as he leans in and touches his forehead to mine, hesitating for just a moment before his lips connect with mine. His tongue swipes across my bottom lip, instantly making me open my mouth wider for him, deepening the kiss as his hands trail up my back pressing me to him. He then parts his lips from me, moving down my jawline to that spot just under my earlobe that instantly turns me into a puddle at his feet.

I immediately move my hands down over his chest, to his abs and lower still to the open button of his jeans, pulling down the zipper and pushing them down over his hips, taking his boxers with them. I then move to place my lips on his neck trailing to his throat and feeling him let out a groan against my lips. 

Moving my lips down to his chest, kissing gently between his pecs, I continue, making my way down, adjusting myself to get into the perfect position as his length stands out at me, thick and veined as my arousal twitches between my thighs. I'm honestly surprised that I'm able to take him inside me but I wasn't sure I was going to fit him in my mouth.

"Oh, fuck," He exhales as I give him a good lick along the side. Then with my one hand holding him at the base, placing gentle kisses along the length of him, I place my lips around the tip of him and close my eyes, giving him one good suck as he twitches in my hand.

He moans, much louder than the first as I slowly move my head, swirling my tongue and teasing him. I feel his fingers lace through my curls, holding my hair back while I continue to work him.

"Shit baby, that's fucking.. so..." He starts but quickly gets caught up in the moment as I flick my eyes open to look up at him, never missing a beat as I start to take him further into my mouth. He throws his head back as I take him full on, hitting the back of my throat and using my hand to stroke whatever I couldn't fit into my mouth. After a few moments I feel him pull away from me, dropping his hands from my hair as he grips himself stepping back for a moment. I move to place a kiss on the tip of him once more but he stops me

"No. No don't," He says.

"Why?" I ask looking up at him.

"Because if you do anything right now, I'm not going to be able to stop myself from cumming all over you,"

The sound of his voice saying that had me practically coming apart.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask innocently, once again batting my dark eyes at his. He bites his bottom lip steps back over to me and crashes his lips to mine, lacing his fingers through my curls and gripping me at the nape of my neck. Once I start to suck that bottom lip of his once more, he breaks away from me, leering down at me.

"Lay back baby... I need to play with you," He says with his voice filled full of lust. Without taking my eyes away from his, I gracefully move myself back towards the head of the bed while he quickly steps out of his jeans and places his hands on my hips, pulling my skirt down to my ankles and flicking it somewhere across the room. His hands move back to my thighs and he immediately opened them exposing myself to him.

"Oh fuck yes, that... that's perfect," He says and I blush, his fingers moving higher up my thighs while I raise my arms above my head and grip the bed covers above me. He kneels down, getting into the perfect position and I could feel his warm breath wash over me. I quiver and raise my hips, arching my back, while his fingers gently caressed all along the outside of my slit earning a moan escaping from my throat.

"My god, you are so fucking gorgeous,"

I began to move my hips a little in hopes that he would just get the hint and suck me already when I suddenly feel his fingers softly stroke my clit, making me open my legs even wider for him. I let another moan escape from my lips as I take in a deep breath, his gentle stroking beginning to feel like he was setting me on fire.

"Kenny..." I whimper and he uses his fingers to spread my lips open further, my clit clearly begging to be sucked. He closes his lips around my clit, sucking slow at first, flicking his tongue and slipping his finger inside me.

"Yes... oh, fuck that's so fucking good," I moan as he continues, slipping another finger inside me, prodding at my sweet spot as his lips never break away from me. It didn't take long for me to feel that wonderful pressure building up aching to tip over the edge. A few more moans and whimpers escape my lips and I feel as though I'm about to lose it.

"Fuck, Kenny... I'm gonna cum," I whine, trying my best to hold back but I couldn't any longer. His tongue flicks a few more times and that was it. My orgasm explodes as I lift my hips and nothing mattered in that moment but the pleasure I was feeling and his hungry mouth that was drinking me in. He had me practically screaming and I didn't care who heard me.

Everything seemed like a blur for a few moments as I feel his lips softly kiss up to my stomach, then in between my breasts, moving to my right nipple and gently nipping for a few seconds, then moving to my left nipple, and swirling his tongue much like he did with my clit as I try to get my breathing under control.

"Fuck, you make the most beautiful sounds when I make you cum," He says with his lips grazing my skin, his curls tickling me all along the way as he places soft sweet kisses up my neck and to my earlobe. Even the sound of his voice is enough to send me over the edge once again. His lips brush along my jawline as he positions himself over top of me and I flick my eyes open to look into his dark eyes, his nose now touching mine.

Suddenly I started to feel things that I knew were much more than just us having a fling. More than just a way to forget about all of my heartbreak and pain that I so desperately keep inside telling no one. I'm not exactly sure what this is anymore and I have no idea what to feel about it. 

"Kenny, " I moan trying to push those feelings aside because all I want right now is him to actually just fuck me. He hesitates for a moment and then gently brushes his lips across mine, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip as I attempt to press my body against his. one hand moves up to grip my hand, lacing his fingers through while his other hand positions himself in between my thighs. In one quick movement he pushes himself inside me, all the way up to the hilt and I let out a muffled moan of pleasure against his lips. I break my lips away from him, gripping his hand in a death grip, throwing my head back as his lips move down to my throat.

He moans deeply as he grabs my thigh and lifts it higher, slowly moving out of me and then back in, completely filling me up. His lips find mine again as he begins a steady rhythm. The overwhelming sensation of him inside me sends shivers from my thighs all the way up my body. After a few moments he shifts a little, lifting my butt up and I can't even explain the incredible sensation washing over my body. I break away from his lips again throwing my head back whimpering and moaning as he slides out of me and then back in so sensually.

"Yes baby... that's it... Let me hear you," He purrs and it was all I could do to hold myself back again. With my hips matching his thrusts, he begins to pick up the pace, his lips placing sweet kisses along my throat and I feel my muscles contract around him, the pressure quickly building once more.

"Shit," I managed to get out and I knew I wasn't able to hold back any more.

"Come on baby, that's it.... cum for me," He growls and as soon as he said those words I exploded once more, crying out as he does so with me, matching my orgasm with his.

*****

"I'm so sorry Mrs, Cornell... we.. we couldn't save her,"

"No,"

The doctor stares at me with a sullen expression, expressing his deepest sympathies as I fall apart inside.

"I'm sorry,"

"No!"

I wake up with a sudden jolt in the dark room of the hotel, the blankets covered up over my chest as I try to focus my eyes in the dark room. I squint my eyes at the digital clock that sat on the side table by the bed reading only 5:30 AM.

The sun will be up soon... fuck I hate dreams like that.

I lay my head back down on my pillow and stare up at the ceiling for a few moments. I can hear Kenny beside me softly sleeping, laying on his back, his left arm raised above his head, his right hand resting across his abs as he faces me, his jet black curls splayed across his chest, slowly rising and falling with his breathing. It's crazy that even now while he's sleeping I want him all over again. Partly because I need to forget about that horrible dream I just had and another part of me absolutely loving the fact that he is here with me, sleeping next to me.

I honestly miss having a man sleeping next to me in my bed. I've spent so many months sleeping by myself, even though Kenny and I would meet up with each other whenever we could, we always just found a place to fuck quickly and then carry on obviously, hanging out before his show or with me heading back home. He's never actually spent the night with me, or rather I just would always avoid spending the night with him because I don't want any feelings involved at all.

I don't know what it was about last night that I wanted him to come back here with me. I think maybe I just didn't want to be alone. I'm so sick of being alone, and I think I am starting to feel something for him. As I watch him sleep, I feel this strange fluttery feeling inside me that I haven't had since before Chris and I started to fall apart.

No, I'm not in love, this is crazy there's no way this feeling is love... we still don't really know each other all that well. This is strictly sex Andrea so stop kidding yourself.

But how much do you really know about a person anyways? Fucking 5 years together and 3 years of marriage still didn't prepare me for the fact that it could all crumble apart in the blink of an eye. All I know is right now, I love being here with Kenny but there is no way in hell I'm admitting to him that I have feelings. At all. Period.

I roll over on to my side to face him, as he still sleeps so soundly with the blankets only covering up to his hips. I watch him for a few more moments, the way he slightly twitches as he dreams and I find myself reaching out, placing my hand on his abs and trailing my fingers up to his chest, then up his arm that was raised and tracing along his tattoo. He then twitches a couple of times again and his eyes then flick open to see me.

"Hey you," He says his voice raspy and deep from sleeping.

Damn, he even sounds sexy.

"Hi," I say as I snuggle into my pillow looking into those dark brown eyes of his. He stretches for a moment and lifts his head to look at the clock, then groans a little and lays back down to look at me.

"What are you doing awake?" He asks sweetly.

"I don't know. I had a bad dream and I couldn't go back to sleep," I shrug as I glance over his toned body feeling the warmth rise inside me once again.

"What was it about?" He asks sweetly as he reaches out and brushes a few stray curls away from my face.

"Nothing," I say quietly and he gives me that concerned expression again. The very same one from earlier when Johnny asked me about the GNR tour. I wish I hadn't said anything at all.

"I don't really wanna talk about it," I say avoiding his eyes.

"You sure? I mean... I'm pretty good at keeping those monsters away... or at least I try to," Kenny says which makes me giggle a little.

"No, it's ok," I say still avoiding his eyes.

"Andi... I don't know if you've figured this out yet but... you can talk to me if you need to. You can tell me anything," He says and I flick my eyes back to his and we lay there for a few moments just looking into each others eyes. There is so much that I want to tell him. I want to tell him everything, and the reasons why but I just don't want to scare him away. Maybe I really am falling in love with him even though I desperately try to tell myself that I'm not.

"What if I told you... "

I trail off moving my body closer to him and glancing down over his chest.

"... that I love the way... your lips kiss every inch of my body... ?"

I move my hand to his bare chest, my fingers trailing down in between outlining every muscle.

"... that I love the way your fingers know exactly just how to touch me...?"

I trail my fingers even lower as he watches me do so.

"... and that I love the way you feel inside me...?"

I flick my eyes up to his as I take his length that was already thick and ready in my hand, and slowly start to pump him earning a soft groan as his eyes flutter closed for a moment, then flicking open to look into mine.

"I'd say... that... oh, shit... I fucking love every inch... of your body..."

He places his hand on my hip and pulls the blanket down revealing my already insanely hard nipples taking one of them in his mouth and softly sucking for a few moments, flicking his tongue and gently nipping all at the same time.

"...that I love how your nipples stick out..." He says parting his lips from my nipple for a moment and then returning to suck a little more, all the while I begin to whimper as I move my body against his.

"... and, fuck... how I love... how you scream when I make you cum ," He begins to pant as I pump my hand up and down his incredible length, his hand brushing my curls off my shoulder and pressing his lips to my throat. His words send indescribable sensations all over my body, making me quiver as his thumb brushes across my nipple, his hand then travelling down over my stomach, in between my thighs and immediately but so gently spreading my lips apart and begins to stroke my incredibly sensitive clit. After a few moments he dips one finger in, making me gasp as he inserts another finger, prodding and stroking just the way I like it.

"Kenny?" I whimper.

"Yes, baby," He purrs with his lips grazing across my throat with his words.

" I want... I want," I try to speak but the words wont come out.

"What do you want baby...? Tell me," He says so raspy and huskily that it nearly sends me over the edge.

"I want you to make me cum... I want you to make love to me,"

I had no idea how or why I even said those words, why they came out or why I even said anything about making love. I was so caught up in the moment and the feeling of his fingers beautifully playing me like he plays his guitar that I just sort of blurted it out.

"I am making love to you darlin'" He says as his fingers move inside me, sensually stroking, making me feel like the only thing that matters is the pleasure he is giving me.

*****

Hours later, we finally bring ourselves to get ready and face the world though I would love nothing more than to stay in that bed wrapped up in his arms forever.

"Do you really have to go?" I ask sitting on the bed tying up the laces to my Doc's as he throws his leather jacket back on and flips his curls out of the way.

"Uh huh... and you do too," He chuckles as he turns to face me standing at the door.

"Yea.. I know," I look up at him pushing a few curls from my eyes. He gives me that sexy smirk again and I smile back as I rise from the bed, grab my bag and sling it over my shoulder.

"Check out time, I guess," I say trying not to feel awkward and shy as I grab the hotel key from the side table.

He reaches out to me as I move to stand in front of him, his hand cupping my face and I close my eyes, leaning into it feeling the warmth and comfort from him.

"Come with me... just come with me on the road... we've got a few more shows to do but, you can come back to New York with me or I can meet up with you in Seattle,"

"I don't know... I have a meeting tomorrow that I shouldn't really miss," I say reluctantly. That offer was so tempting and I really would actually love to go on the road with him, even if it is just for a couple of days. I have to admit that a part of me misses being on the road even if it is with a bunch of guys in a band.

"Alright, well what if after your meeting, I come up and meet you in Seattle and then if you want to, we can make a plan for you to come back to New York with me if you want or... you know," He says as he pulls me closer to him and touches his forehead to mine.

"Um, yea... I could um, do that," I say softly as I close my eyes and breathe in his sweet scent of the hotel shower gel that actually smelled really good. After a few moments of him just holding me, he softly presses his lips to mine and all I wanted was for him to take off my clothes and have his way with me on that bed again.

Ok Andrea, control yourself.

He then parts his lips from mine and touches his forehead back to mine, looking at me with those dark eyes of his under his brow.

"I don't want to leave," He says.

"Me either," I say

"How 'bout we just tell everyone to fuck off and I take you back into that bed and we'll just live there and never come out," He says and I start to giggle.

"What about food?" I giggle.

"That's what room service is for," He chuckles.

"What about your band? Won't they be looking for you? In fact you know they're probably looking for you right now," I say.

"They know I'm with you baby," He says low and sweet and I bite my bottom lip.

"No Kenny we gotta go... you know we have to," I groan a little because I really want to just stay in that bed with him.

"Yea... but it still doesn't stop me from trying though," He smirks and I laugh.

"Alright baby let's get outta here," Kenny chuckles and places a kiss on my forehead as we both finally manage to pull away from each other to head out of the hotel and back to reality.


	7. Spend Some Time, Drink Some Wine - Ehem, Whiskey

New York, New York August 7 1994

"Where in the fuck is my bag?" I say to myself as I stand at the luggage terminal inside John F Kennedy International Airport waiting for the little luggage carousel to push out my bag. I feel like I've been standing here forever waiting for it to pop out and each time a bag rolls by it never ends up being mine.

The meeting I had with Susan went really well and I'm so excited that she appointed me as an assistant for Pantera.

Pantera! Can you fucking believe that? I sure as hell can't. Their tour manager needed some extra help so Susan was able to set it up for me and I am so excited. I had already met with Steve Bainbrige just a few days ago and signed a temporary contract with him so that I am able to assist him for the next couple of show dates for Pantera. Type O Negative is also playing a few dates with them as well so at least Kenny will be with me and it won't be so nerve wracking.

The only time I've ever met Phil, Vinny Rex and Dime was when they played a few shows with Soundgarden when Soundgarden was opening for Skid Row. Damn, that seems like such a long time ago. Like another lifetime ago.

This is my first time doing this all on my own and I'm nervous as fuck. I seriously don't want to mess anything up at all. I'm going to try and be confident and professional and not shy and socially awkward just because I'm such a big fan of Pantera. They're playing here at L'Amours tonight so I will get first hand at what it's like to work for Pantera. I'm so fucking excited!

I glance up at the multiple clocks that were lined up on the wall behind the ticket booth indicating what time it was in each time zone, New York showing just passed 4:00PM. I called Kenny earlier this morning letting him know when my flight was in and he said that he was going to meet me here at the terminal. I just hope I hadn't kept him waiting because of this stupid luggage carousel refusing to give me my luggage. After another 10 minutes waiting and it still didn't come out, I walk over to the attendant at the luggage terminal to ask where my luggage was.

"Your luggage ticket number?" The bulky male attendant asks me barely looking up from his computer screen.

"5023" I say a little impatiently. He types a few keys into the computer still not looking at me and starts to shake his head.

"Nothing in the system with that number, what was your flight?" He says still not looking at me.

"Flight 402, the 11:00AM Seattle to New York," I say trying not to sound frustrated. He punches a few more keys and still not one ounce of eye contact. Suddenly I feel a warm hand slide across my lower back under my leather jacket and I glance up and see Kenny looking so freaking amazing in his black button up shirt loosely tucked into his black jeans and leather jacket, his jet black curls flowing passed his shoulders standing beside me.

"Hey babe," He says a little raspy with a cute grin and places a kiss on my temple, his sweet cologne tickling my nostrils perfectly.

Damn he smells so fucking good.

"Hey," I exhale, my frustration diminishing for a few moments.

"Still nothing in the system... last name?" The attendant says to me still not looking up at me.

"Um, Cornell," I clear my throat.

"First name?"

"Andrea," I say and he types some more keys.

"What's going on?" Kenny asks me.

"Trying to pick up my luggage," I say looking up at him as I push my curls out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry there's still nothing here with that ticket number," The attendant says.

"What do you mean?" I ask frustratedly.

"There isn't any luggage with that number," The attendant finally looks up at me but doesn't offer any other expression other than a straight face. I pull out my ticket and show him but he still says that there's no luggage with that number.

"So, what... it's like lost then?" I ask attempting to remain calm but the attendant still offers no sympathy or anything which pisses me off even more especially since he is working a customer service position.

"Did you purchase any insurance?" The attendant asks.

"Well no... but - "

"I'm sorry we can't do anything without insurance," He cuts me off.

"Are you kidding me?" I say as my anger starts to rise.

"Babe, hey... it's alright, Here... let me," Kenny says and moves to the attendant window and talks to the attendant, trying to be sweet at first but as the attendant still shows no empathy or anything, Kenny starts to lose it. As he argues with the attendant I try to pull him back to calm him down.

"It's policy, no insurance, we can't do anything sir,"

"Yea well, fuck your policy!" Kenny exclaims.

"Kenny, hey... let's just go," I say trying to pull him away from the window. He was getting angrier than I was and was starting to create a scene which I don't blame him but I really didn't want to draw any attention.

"Fuck you!" Kenny exclaims as the attendant smirks and shakes his head and I'm eventually able to pull him away from the window.

"I'm sorry babe but what the fuck? He fucking needs to show some remorse or something... like, Jeezus," Kenny says as we walk away.

"It's ok, just... what the fuck am I gonna do now? I only have what I'm wearing right now and a dress in here. All my favorite band shirts and my favorite jeans... and my shoes to go with this dress... fuck me, " I say frustratedly as I look down at my bag slung over my shoulder.

"Hey, it's ok babe... we'll get you something. I've had this happen to me more times than I can count... Just that fucker back there could use some fuckin' customer service training or something," Kenny says which makes me giggle.

He takes my hand in his lacing his fingers through and suddenly he stops us from walking towards the main doors. I glance up at him and he has the most sweetest grin on that boyish clean shaven face of his. His other hand reaches up and cups my face, his thumb brushing across my bottom lip and then presses his lips to mine so soft and gentle, lingering for a few moments as his tongue flicks at my top lip and then he pulls away, touching his forehead to mine. After a few moments we break away from each other as he leads me out of the main doors of the airport.

"C'mon, We'll uh... head to my place," He says.

"Ok,"

Fuck, I've missed him.

*****

A short while later, we arrive at Kenny's apartment, a small one bedroom located in Brooklyn near the lower east side. The building was part of a duplex with his apartment on the upper floor. Once Kenny opens the door, I step inside to see his living room that was attached to the kitchen, scattered with stacked Mesa/Boogie amps and a few of his guitars, a T.V on a small makeshift stand and a stereo record player set up on the opposite side of that, a couch that faced the T.V and a large reading chair to the left with a ton of magazines and scattered papers all over the coffee table and floor. It's such a guys apartment.

It reminds me of the first time I went to Chris's apartment that he shared with Andrew Wood from Mother Love Bone. Chris had it set up the very same way. Guitars and amps all over his room and a string of unfinished lyrics that you could shake a stick at.

"Sorry for the mess, I just hadn't had time to uh, you know... clean," Kenny says immediately walking over and trying to tidy up the papers.

"It's ok," I say and close the door behind me as I watch him try to find where to put everything.

"Kenny it's ok, I don't care really," I giggle as he shoves more papers into a drawer in the coffee table then flips his curls out of his face as he turns to face me.

"You want a drink or somethin'?" He asks so cutely, stepping over a stack of magazines.

"Sure,"

He steps into the kitchen and fumbles around to make some drinks as I set my bag down at the door, take off my jacket, head over to the couch to sit down and glance at some of the papers that were still somewhat scattered around the coffee table. I glance up at Kenny as his back was facing me while making our drinks and then pick up the one piece of paper that caught my attention and read a little bit of it. I didn't mean to be so nosey but I couldn't help it.

"Did you write this?" I ask cutely when he steps back over to me and hands me a Jack and Coke.

"Uh... yea, I did," He says suddenly sounding shy about it as he steps passed my to sit down beside me taking a sip of his beer and turning slightly to face me as I glance down at his scribbling. Funny, how I always thought that Peter was the lyricist and Kenny just came up with the guitar parts.

"You want me to play it for you don't you?" Kenny smirks slyly at me taking another sip of his beer.

"No, no I was just... I mean, not if you don't want to," I say getting a little flustered as he leers at me still. He takes another sip and sets his beer down, then leans over and grabs his acoustic guitar.

"It's not like... completely finished but... well anyways," He says so cutely laying his guitar across his lap and plucks a few strings. I couldn't help but grin a little seeing him get flustered and shy. I shift a little in my spot as I watch him get himself situated, clearing his throat and figuring out how to start. Then he begins to play.

"You give your love to me tonight  
You owe your flesh to me for life  
You give your body and your mind  
I'll fuck your warmth and your lies  
My lady..."

He continues to strum and the sound of his voice is so different. I'm used to him singing the small parts when he plays with Peter if Peter can't sing in that range. Here, he sounds so clean but raspy at the same time, with so much emotion that I never thought would come out of him. It's making me feel things that I didn't think I would feel ever again.

"You give your heart I'll treat it right  
You bring your flaws I'll give them light  
You know I wanna sink deep into you  
I'm created to love you and finally lose..."

He trails off and stops but still avoids my eyes and I had no idea what to do for a moment, but then I couldn't help myself. I set my drink down and then immediately move myself over to him take his face in my palms and press those beautiful soft lips to mine. For a moment I could tell that I startled him but then as I started to suck his bottom lip, he moves the guitar from between us never breaking his lips away from mine and responds with his tongue swiping across my bottom lip, his hands immediately going straight to my hips and up under my White Zombie band shirt, to the small of my back and further up. 

Suddenly after a few moments, I had to stop myself. I have no idea what came over me or why I started to second guess myself but I needed to stop.

"I can't..." I pull away and he looks at me with those dark eyes completely confused and I don't blame him.

"You can't what?" He asks and I lean my arm on the back of the couch covering my eyes with my palm, forcing myself not to cry. I can feel him still looking at me but I can't bring myself to look at him.

What the serious fuck is happening to me?

"Baby...?" He asks slightly worried moving closer to me. I still couldn't bring myself to say anything and all I could feel was this intense feeling of fear and sadness inside me.

"This is stupid... I'm so stupid... I can't... I just..." I try to explain fumbling over my words and still holding back tears and not letting myself look at him.

"Andi, talk to me... what can't you do?" His voice is calm but still worried as he pulls my hand away from covering my face. I open my eyes to look into his, seeing the worry and concern on his face.

"What are we doing? I mean... what the fuck am I even doing? Fuck I'm not making any fucking sense," I say as I start to get angry at myself.

"Baby... talk to me..." He still looks at me with those eyes and suddenly I let everything out.

I tell him everything. I tell him how I was married to Chris, and that I still am though we are separated and haven't talked to each other since we split, other than breaking out of the contract I signed with Soundgarden which I had to talk to him then but other than that, nothing from him since March. I tell him the reason why we split which was the most difficult thing I could talk about since I haven't been able to talk about it since it happened.

"... we tried for months to have a baby you know? The whole time I thought that there was something wrong with me. Like, my body wasn't working right or something. But, then after so long we just decided if it doesn't happen it's ok. But then it did. I got pregnant and I was so excited..." I say as I look down at myself unable to look him in the eye forcing myself to keep it together.

"What happened?" He asks after a few moments though I think he already knew the answer.

"... I uh... lost the baby. She was um... she wasn't breathing when I delivered... her and..." I trail off fighting the urge to cry and I could see the look on Kenny's face that he could tell how I'm still struggling with losing her.

"...anyways after that Chris and just... fell apart. He started to ignore me and I wasn't any better since I couldn't fucking even get out of bed for like 4 months straight. I tried to make it work once I started feeling better but at that point it was too late. We had already grown so far apart that there was no going back at all. Anytime we talked to each other it just turned into an argument. He just threw himself into Soundgarden and left me alone to fight the horrible pain all by myself..."

I cannot believe I'm letting this all out. There is no way in fucking hell Kenny is going to want me after this. If I were him, I'd be heading straight for the fucking door.

"Jeezus..." Kenny exhales.

"Kenny... I'm so fucked up," I say looking away and trying to stop the tears from coming out. He reaches up and cups my face in his palm, brushing away a stray tear that rolled down my cheek.

"No... no you're not fucked up," Kenny says looking at me with those dark eyes.

"I have no idea why you even want to have anything to do with me... I mean, I'm pretty much like damaged goods here," I say looking back down at myself.

"Andi... I don't know if you've figured this out yet though I thought you would've got the hint from that song, but... I'm fucking in love with you so... if you're fucked up then I'm fucked up too,"

I flick my eyes back to his in complete disbelief. I had no idea what to even say but I also wasn't sure I heard him right.

"What?" I ask quietly.

"I love you,"


	8. With These Three Words, I Fell

Brooklyn, New York August 7 1994

I could feel my heart pounding and my cheeks felt like they were on fire. Did he just say what I thought he said?

"What?" I ask quietly again, my eyebrows drawn together in confusion. Kenny moves closer to me, reaching for my hips and drawing me into his lap as his dark eyes focus so intently into mine. His eyes glance down at my lips for a moment then back into my eyes as I try to find the words to say what I need to say. He then slowly moves in and presses his beautiful soft lips to mine and I instantly melt in his arms. The feeling is overwhelming and I press my body closer to his, lacing my fingers through his curls as his hands find their way back up my shirt and around to my lower back, feeling his fingers skip across my skin. After a few moments, he parts his lips from mine, leaving me practically breathless as he touches his forehead to mine and closes his eyes.

"I love you," He says, his voice cracking a little. The sound of his words course through me like I never thought they would. I knew that I was falling in love with him but I tried so hard to deny it and I never wanted to admit it to him though I think subconsciously I knew he was feeling the same way to. The way we left each other back in L.A last week and that night we spent together wasn't just sex like I tried to tell myself it was.

"I love you," I finally say back to him and It felt so good to finally say it out loud. I don't have to wrestle with it back and forth anymore because I do love him. I am so in love with him.

"You have no idea how much I love hearing you say those words," He says as his eyes flicking back to mine.

"You have no idea how good it feels to finally tell you," I say pressing my lips to his and immediately sucking his bottom lip as I lace my fingers through his curls once more.

"You uh... you wanna show me how much you love me?" I ask slyly as I shift myself in his lap, straddling him as he pulls me to sit on top of him.

"Oh baby, you have no idea how much I want to," He says, his voice becoming raspy and oh so sexy.

"Ok, but me first," I say and immediately slide myself off him to kneel down in front and quickly unbuckle his jeans.

"Damn..." Was all he could say before I showed him just how much I loved him too.

*****

"Kenny... does this look ok?" I ask as I stand in his small bedroom in front of his full length mirror beside his tall standing dresser fixing my dark curls as they fall down passed my shoulders. I was getting ready to head to L'Amours to meet up with the guys from Pantera, well really, I was meeting with their tour manager first and he was introducing me to the band, even though I have met Vinny, Phil, Rex and Dime before it wasn't on a professional level and I'm not even sure they would remember me anyways. I'm really glad Kenny's coming with me though. I'm fucking nervous as fuck but Kenny is really close with Dime so at least that makes me feel a little better.

As I turn and glance over my shoulder in the mirror to see just how my black short lacy mini long sleeve dress covered me, I see him step into the room, ready to go in his usual black jeans, a black button up shirt, boots and his leather jacket, his eyes growing wide as I attempt to pull down the hem of my dress. It feels like it's barely covering my butt cheeks.

Of course the only thing I would have to wear is this little mini dress. Fucking god damn airport and losing my luggage. I just hope I'm taken seriously given what I'm wearing.

"Jeezus" He says with his eyes glancing over my curves.

"It's too short isn't it?" I wince a little.

"No baby it's... perfect. You look gorgeous," He says dreamily with his Brooklyn accent coming through.

"See, I had these really cute lacy open toed heel wedges that match this perfectly, though wearing heels to L'Amours probably would be a bad idea," I say as I turn to face him and he nods in agreement with me.

"I had them in my luggage bag that the fucking airport lost and I feel like It looks weird with my Doc's. Maybe I should just change back into what I was wearing before" I say looking down and examining my boots, my curls falling down around me as I try to smooth out the dress and pull the hem down but it's no use.

"No, uh uh..." Kenny shakes his head at me.

"Well... I don't wanna give the wrong impression you know? You don't think it's too short do you?" I ask still second guessing myself.

"Not at all baby..." He says as he steps towards me, taking me in his arms and I giggle as he brushes my curls off my shoulder and presses his lips to that spot just under my earlobe.

"You have no idea how much I wanna throw you back down on my bed... and see how many times I can make you cum again," He whispers huskily in my ear. With those words, I bite my bottom lip and try to contain the fact that I want him to do just exactly that.

"Now that's exactly the impression I don't want to give," I say as I pull away to look up at him and he chuckles.

"Baby, trust me... you look fucking gorgeous," He places a kiss on my lips as his hand moves directly to my butt and gives me a little squeeze making me squeal against his lips.

"Just checking," He smirks when he pulls away and I smack him playfully on his chest laughing.

L'Amours, Brooklyn New York August 7 1994

"...I'm supposed to meet Steve Bainbrige backstage though," I try to explain to the door guy at L'Amours. It was early enough in the night that there was no one really here which I thought would make it easier to get backstage to meet Steve, Pantera's tour manager. The door guy looks down in a black book scrolling through what looked like a list of names and asked to see my ID. Normally I would have my planner and everything with me, but that too was lost with my luggage. I pull out my ID, along with my business ID card showing that I work for Silver Management.

"Alright, you can head on backstage," He says and shows me the way to the doors backstage. Kenny chats for a few seconds with the door guy, only because he's played here so many times before and then walks with me down the long corridor to the backstage area.

"You do know that you were going to get backstage whether you showed your ID or not," Kenny says.

"Yea I know but I wanted to make sure that I'm not just someone trying to get backstage," I say as I put my ID back in the pocket of my leather jacket. I flip my curls out of my face and see Kenny smiling at me.

"What?" I giggle.

"Nothing, you're just so... "

"Kenny!!!!"

Suddenly a deep southern voice booms down the long corridor and I look up to see Darryl 'Dimebag' Abbott taking a drink as he yells out for Kenny. I suddenly could feel my nervousness creep back up, but I know I have to be calm. We walk over to meet up with Dime and I couldn't stop my heart from pounding as Kenny and Dime shake hands and hug each other for a moment.

"Dude, I'm glad you made it," Dime smiles.

"Yea you're only glad I made it so you can stick fish down my boots again," Kenny says and Dime laughs and I raise my eyebrow at them both.

"No not tonight my friend... but Saturday you never know," Dime chuckles and Kenny laughs.

"Uh... this is Andi," Kenny clears his throat and introduces me noticing Dime looking at me up and down for a moment.

"Oh, so she's the one you've been talking about all the time," Dime smirks at him and Kenny just gives him a look then glances back at me as Dime offers his hand for me to shake.

"Wait... you look familiar," Dime says as he contemplates as he takes a sip of his drink. Once again my heart started to pound and I figured this would be the best time to leave and find Steve but for some reason I felt frozen to the spot.

"Me?" I ask, trying to play it off like he was thinking of someone else.

"Yea... no, we've met before... you were with Chris Cornell right?" Dime asks and now I feel extremely awkward as Kenny gives me a confused look.

Why can't people just remember me for me and not because I was married to Chris?

"Um... yea I was," I say shyly hoping he doesn't go on about Chris.

"Fuck, man you didn't tell me it was her. That's fuckin' awesome dude!" Dime chuckles as he pats Kenny on the shoulder.

"Uh, yea... well she's uh working for you now too," Kenny says glancing at me as he takes my hand in his and pulls me a little closer to him.

"Wait, you're our new P.A? That's sweet. Well I'm glad it's someone that I've met before and not just anyone..." Dime smiles sweetly at me which made me feel a little better.

"Well... I've got to go and meet Steve... so should I just meet up with you back here or..." I trail off as I glance up at Kenny.

"Yea babe," Kenny says so sweetly to me and places a kiss on my lips.

"Come meet us in that room down the hall. We'll have a few drinks and shit," Dime smiles sweetly at me gesturing down the long hallway by the backstage door when Kenny pulls away from me.

"Cool," I say and make my way down the hallway to find Steve.

A few moments later, I finally find Steve and introduce myself once again and we chat and go over what is in store for the next couple of weeks with Pantera and their tour on the east coast with some dates including the west coast. He hands me a schedule and goes over where I can stay with the band and everything they would need. Since Type O Negative is the supporting band over the next couple of weeks, he also mentioned that I could assist with them if they needed anything. So basically I'm a P.A for Pantera and Type O Negative, which wasn't planned in the beginning but is actually a pretty good bonus if you ask me.

"...alright so you'll start with us Saturday night, tonight's just like you know, meet the guys, hang out what have you, get to know them a little bit and then I'll have you meet up with us in New York City at The Hotel near The Ritz - the address is listed on the schedule there. Type O Negative is opening that night so I'll need you there as early as possible, to help get the guys ready and on time... you know the usual stuff," Steve explains as he goes over the schedule with me.

"Oh, ok so it's not just Pantera?" I ask little surprised as it wasn't mentioned in the contract that I signed.

"Nope, it also includes the supporting bands as well... you're ok with that right?" Steve says looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Yea, yea... I have no problem with that at all," I say as I start to feel a little stressed about it. I've never worked for 2 bands at the same time before.

"Again, it's still all the usual stuff, there's no curveballs thrown in there so don't worry," Steve chuckles and I offer a smile. It seemed pretty standard, a few interviews with a couple of magazines, some T.V interviews with Pantera and Type O on MTV in New York here and about 14 dates in regards to performances which also include a couple of shows in Toronto Ontario. It's going to be a long 16 weeks but this is going to be awesome.

"If you have any questions or anything, you can come and find me but you should be fine," Steve smiles at me.

"Sure, sounds good," I say as I glance over the schedule some more.

"Alright, see you Saturday," Steve says and holds out his hand for me to shake. I give him a sweet smile feeling confident I can pull this off and head back to the dressing room.

16 weeks? Fuck, I had no idea it was this long. I wish I hadn't lost everything in my luggage bag for fuck sakes. Why the fuck didn't I keep the contract with me? But of course Andrea you just had to have a tiny little lacy mini dress in your bag but nothing else important other than your wallet and ID... I hate how I fail at life sometimes.

As I walk down the long corridor, The dressing room door was wide open and I could hear the yelling and laughter bellowing out which actually made me giggle. I can hear Kenny with his husky voice telling some story making everyone yell with laughter as I approach the open door.

".... so we were fucked... I swear, I can't even watch Spinal Tap cause I live that shit all the fucking time!" Kenny laughs with Dime as he takes a drag of his cigarette and looks up to see me walking in the room. He was sitting in a chair beside Dime as they laughed away with each other.

"Hey baby," He says sweetly which then Dime follows with a huge hello even though I just saw him a few minutes ago. Then Vinny and Rex walk in behind me saying hello and grabbing a couple of beers that were in a bin full of ice.

"Andi, there's beer... help yourself," Dime says as he gestures to the large bin full of ice and takes a sip of his beer, but then Vinny just opens one and hands it to me instead.

"So are you the new assistant?" Vinny asks and takes a sip of his beer.

"Um, yea... yea I am," I say and take a sip.

"You worked with Soundgarden right?" Vinny asks.

"Um yea I did," I figure now I should just accept the fact that everyone is going to automatically associate me with Soundgarden. It's not a bad thing I just want to be able to make a name for myself, have people remember me for me, and I know that's probably just going to take some time.

"Well, welcome to the family," Vinny smiles sweetly and clinks his beer to mine and it felt pretty cool that he said that.

"You're not starting tonight are you?" Dime asks me.

"No, no... Saturday is when I officially start," I say and take a sip of my beer as I head over to sit beside Kenny.

"Oh, and um... I apparently work for you now too," I say to Kenny and take another sip of my beer as I flip my curls out of my face and Kenny gives me a sly smile.

"Really...? Hmmm... so does that mean you're gonna do anything I want?" Kenny says slyly moving closer to me, placing his arm around the back of my chair.

"No it means I have to look after your ass... and make sure you're all on time and all that shit," I smirk at him and take another sip of my beer.

"But what if I'm in need of some extra assistance...?" Kenny says low and raspy in my ear, brushing my curls off my shoulder. I close my eyes for a moment and inhale his sweet cologne that makes me want him all over again.

"Then I guess, you'll have to show me so that I can help you," I tease flicking my eyes back to his and he touches his forehead to mine.

"God, I fucking love you," He chuckles and I giggle back and press my lips to his.


	9. Life In A Tin Can

Washington State, September 2 1994

"What the fuck? Kenny what are you doing?" I laugh as I sit on the opposite side of the bus at the tiny make shift table as Kenny takes a marker to Johnny and starts to draw all over his face.

"Shhhh... it's a surprise," Kenny slurs as Johnny slumps over on the arm of the couch.

"You're drawing the dick wrong... make it bigger... you know, like this," Josh explains and shows Kenny where to place the marker.

"I'm drawing a dick wrong? How the fuck do you draw a dick wrong?" Kenny slurs, his Brooklyn accent very apparent as I try to hold in my laughter.

"I don't know but I would imagine 'cause your dick is small, that's why you can't draw one," Josh says as I try desperately not to laugh.

"Oh yea, how would you know?" Kenny says up at Josh he was still crouched in front of a clearly passed out Johnny, trying to balance as the tour bus makes its way down the highway.

It's been a few weeks since I started as an Assistant for Type O Negative and Pantera and I have to say that it's been the best few weeks of my life so far. I've had so much fucking fun on this tour with them that I almost forget that I'm working. I never realized just how much I actually missed being on the road and though normally I travel in a van with some of the road crew, the guys suggested that I just stay on the bus with them since there are more than enough bunks in the back.

I never did get my luggage back from a few weeks ago when I lost it on the way to New York but I was able to pick up a few clothes to last me until we get to Seattle and I can go home and grab what I need for the rest of the tour.

"Oh, shit I have an idea... babe, do you have a couple of hair ties or somethin'?" Kenny asks looking back at me.

"Kenny what are you doing?" I laugh.

"Babe, trust me... do have a couple of hair ties?" Kenny chuckles.

"Probably, um... here give me a second," I giggle as I slide myself out from the table and make my way down to the back of the bus where the bunks were as Kenny follows me trying to contain his laughter. As soon as I reach the back of the bus, I immediately feel completely embarrassed as I see peter in the back lounge completely clothed with a girl laying completely naked underneath him, he legs spread wide as he goes down on her.

"Ok, well then..." I say nervously as I quickly turn back around with Kenny bumping into me. Kenny gives me a confused look as I tap him on the chest to get him to turn back around.

"What babe?" Kenny asks

"Y-you don't wanna know," I say as I try to guide him back to the front of the bus. Kenny glances over my shoulder and sees what was happening and stops.

"Peter... the fuck man, close the fucking divider," Kenny says with a disgruntled look.

"Shhhh..." I say trying to guide Kenny back as the girl begins to moan. From what I could see for that split second, I didn't think she was enjoying anything at all because she wasn't moving but from that sound she made, I'm clearly mistaken.

Now don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of being caught having sex, especially on a bus and every time I've been caught, the person who catches me always seems to ruin the moment. I really didn't want the moment to be ruined for her, 'cause I hate it when it happens to me.

"Well he should close the divider -" Kenny looks down at me but I hush him again placing my index finger on his lips and the girls lets out another moan. As I try to distract Kenny and guide him back to the front of the bus, I quickly reach into my bunk, into my bag and quickly find a couple of hair ties and hand them to Kenny. He raises his eyebrow at me as I motion for him to keep quiet and he smirks at me but makes his way back to the front of the bus as I follow him.

"I don't know about you guys, but I need another drink," I say as I slide myself back behind the table and Kenny chuckles as I pour myself another glass of Jack straight up, hearing another moan coming from the back room.

"Well get back to whatever you were doing... He's waiting," I joke gesturing to Johnny and Kenny laughs crouching back down in front of him to put his hair up in pig tails.

"Awe... look he's so pretty," Josh laughs and another moan escapes from the back of the bus.

"Jeezus Peter are you killing her in there or what?" Kenny jokes and I laugh.

"Oh fuck," Josh says covering his face with his hand and shaking his head.

*****

Hours later, I decided it was time to get some sleep and so with Kenny and Josh up at the front, Johnny who was still passed out on the couch, I make my way back to the bunks and see Peter and his girl passed out together on the back lounge bed. Without disturbing them, I quietly close the divider since Peter still hadn't closed it and quickly strip down to my black lacy bra and matching thong panties. Making sure the guys couldn't see me, I shove my clothes into my bunk, throw my hair up in a high ponytail with my dark curls bouncing everywhere and crawl inside as gracefully as I could. Just as soon as I was settled, Kenny makes his way down and finds me in my bunk, pulling up the blanket, trying to make myself comfortable.

"Awe... baby, are you going to sleep already?" Kenny slurs sweetly standing at my bunk.

"I better, we gotta get up early, or at least I do anyways," I say. Kenny then looks towards the front of the bus and then starts to strip off his plain black T-Shirt and his jeans, tossing them into his bunk that was just above mine and then suddenly starts to climb in the bunk with me.

"Baby , hey what - ? You know both of us aren't going to fit in here, " I giggle as he tries to slide in beside me.

"Sure we will," He smirks and I laugh as he maneuvers himself beside me.

"Kenny!" I yelp in laughter as he starts to squish me and I try to move myself so that he can get in with me.

"Shhhh..." He hushes me chuckling and moves me to lay on top of him. As I finally situate myself, I raise my eyebrow at him as he apparently looks pleased with himself that he was able to somewhat fit in here with me.

"See, we fit," He smirks at me as he places his hands on my hips and gently moves down to cup each butt cheek, his hands feeling rough but so warm as I place my hands on his toned smooth chest so that I can look at him.

"Uh huh, yea right," I say skeptically.

"C'mon baby... I'm tired of sleeping alone in that bunk all by myself, I miss feeling you next to me... and right now you feel so soft and warm and look, your butt fits perfectly in my hands..." Kenny pouts as he slurs, clearly still drunk but so adorable and I giggle as he continues to tell me all the reasons why he needs to sleep in the bunk with me.

"Ok, ok... Jeezus," I say and he laughs. We continue to laugh and joke with each other, even though we know we should try to sleep but Kenny just keeps talking which is so funny.

We eventually find a way to both sleep in the small confined space together, his arms wrapped around me and my head pressed against his chest, listening to his heart beating as he softly sleeps. I cannot believe just how much I've fallen for him. I never thought that I would ever feel this way again. He makes me feel like I'm not broken and that I am worthy of being loved once again. Fuck, I am so in love with him I can't even think straight. I just want to stay wrapped up in his arms forever.


	10. We Burn Together

Seattle Washington, September 3 1994

It was mid afternoon when we finally made it into Seattle. The guys from Pantera and Type O Negative have a couple of interviews today with MTV on location at the Seattle Center where they will be playing tonight.

The last 4 weeks have been brutal with me trying to find a Laundromat to do my laundry while on the road since I was only able to pick up just a couple of t-shirts and a pair of jeans. I found this really awesome Ozzy Osbourne shirt that I'm wearing right now from his 'No More Tears' album that has him posed just like the imagery in the video and just like I always do, I was able to cut it up and make it my own.

"Ok, so if you guys are all set... Vanessa should be here in a little bit so I'm going to go and head home quickly to grab a few things but I'll be back before she gets here so I'll go over a few things with you before she starts the interview," I explain to Dime and Phil as we stand in front of their tour bus.

"Sounds good sweetie... you got us set up with a hotel though right?" Phil asks.

"Yep... the Holiday Inn just across the street from the Space Needle. You're already all checked in and the room keys... are... oh, here," I look back down at my planner, my dark curls falling down around my shoulders and flip to the back where the key cards to the hotel rooms were tucked into. I take out all the key cards, find Phil and Dime's and hand them over.

"Awesome," Dime says taking a sip of his beer, his crazy curls everywhere. I briefly go over where the interview is going to be set just in case and they seem content enough with what I left them with, then I walk back over to grab my things from Type O's tour bus. I step up onto the bus and walk back to my bunk, grab my bag and stuff my planner inside as I sling it over my shoulder.

"Hey baby," Kenny says so sweetly as he steps up into the bus in his plain black tank top and his black jeans. His tattoos looking especially good as his jet black curls sway with each step, and his dark eyes glance over my body.

"Hi, I'm uh... just heading home quickly to grab a few things and I'll be back," I say as I flip my curls out from under the strap of my bag.

"Ok," He says as he moves towards me, the sent of his sweet cologne making my insides flutter. He steps closer and leans down to press his lips to mine, his hands moving to my hips and pulling me closer to him. He parts his lips from mine for a moment touching his forehead to mine as I glance at him under my brow and he starts to lead me back towards the back of the bus.

"Kenny?" I giggle as he walks me backwards to the back lounge area of the bus.

"Yes baby?" He smirks, flicking his dark eyes to mine, his forehead still touching mine.

"I need to head home for just a few minutes," I giggle.

"And I need you on that bed in the back room," He smirks again still leading me back towards the lounge and placing his lips to the spot under my earlobe that always makes me weak for him.

"I don't think I have enough time though, you and Peter have an interview with Vanessa in about an hour or so," I giggle, though the thought of him taking me in that back room has me turned on like no other right now.

"That's plenty of time for me to play with you," Kenny says slyly, his lips brushing across my skin to my earlobe as he still guides me to the back room.

"Not really. It takes me 20 minutes each way from my apartment to here," I protest though the feeling of his lips are slowly changing my mind about going home first.

"Baby, I could have you cumming faster than you could scream it," He says low and raspy in my ear, sending immense heat straight to my core immediately with those words. He groans and I bite my bottom lip as I pull away from him for a second and take my bag off my shoulder, dropping it on to the bus floor. Then reaching up and lacing my fingers through his curls, his lips crash back to mine as his hands move around to my lower back and up under my shirt. His fingers skip across my skin as I hungrily suck that bottom lip of his, completely wanting him more than anything right now.

"Prove it," I say coyly parting my lips from his for a moment and suddenly in one movement, he lifts me up, carrying me the rest of the way to the back room over his shoulder pretty much like cave man style, making me squeal and laugh as he does so. It was so unexpected that I couldn't help but laugh as he slaps his hand down on my butt cheek making me let out another squeal.

"Prove it? Oh baby, you're in for it now," He says gruffly but teasingly as I let out another squeal of laughter.

We reach the back room and with him sliding the divider shut he sets me down on the bed, I flip my curls out of my face as he leans down and presses his lips back to mine. I once again reach up and lace my fingers through his curls as he slowly leans me back on the bed, his hands gripping my hips and quickly moving to unbuckle my belt and popping open the button to my low rider jeans. I let go of his curls for a moment to lean back on my elbows to brace myself, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip and playing with mine. He quickly pulls my jeans down over my hips as he parts his lips from mine, pulling them completely off with my panties and I giggle at the sheer quickness of how he is stripping me. He then quickly positions my legs perfectly, placing his soft lips on my inner thigh, slowly moving up as I collapse back on the bed and raise my arms up above my head.

"Oh, my god," I breathe out as I feel his lips inch their way up, his fingers trailing behind, gripping each thigh while his lips then connect with my clit as his hands spread me out before him.

I can already feel the intense pressure building inside, amazed by just how quick he was able to get me there. The way his tongue circles around my budding pink nub, his lips sucking gentle at first and then with more persistence had me pushed to the edge with no warning at all.

"Fuck baby, you taste so good... I love how wet you are already," He purrs in between his licks, sliding one finger inside, then another, teasing and playing hitting that perfect spot inside me. I arch my back and lift my hips higher to his hungry mouth wanting him to never stop but also wanting to desperately release.

"Kenny," I moan unable to control what was taking over me.

"You're close, aren't you baby?" He purrs.

"Uh, huh," I whimper, finding it hard to even speak as he pulls on the very essence of my being. With a few more flicks of his tongue, his fingers playing me and knowing just exactly what spot to hit, I began to come apart. Just like he promised, I scream releasing everything inside me as he plays me through the entire moment, never once letting up. The orgasm was so quick but so incredibly intense that he had me panting, unable to catch my breath. It was incredible.

As I attempt to get a hold of myself, he moves away from me, quickly dropping his jeans and stepping out of them as I lift myself back up on my elbows to look up at him.

"How's that for proof baby?" He says so slyly with a sexy smirk, flipping his gorgeous jet black curls out of his face. I pull myself out of my daze from the incredible orgasm that he gave me, wanting even more and reaching up pulling at his plain black tank top that he still wore and pulling him back down to me, crashing my lips to his. I eagerly suck his bottom lip and swiftly pull him down so that I was now on top of him. At this point I want him inside me. I need him inside me. I need to feel how he completely fills me up as my entire body begs for him to make me cum again.

"I need to ride you," I say with my voice so full of hunger for him as I position myself on top of him. He bites his bottom lip and raises his arms, folding them behind his head while he watches me guide his length inside me.

"Oh, fuck yes," He groans, his dark eyes caressing every inch of my body while I place my hands on his chest, feeling him flex beneath his tank top as I start to move my hips, rocking back and forth, slowly feeling every inch of him inside me. I bite my bottom lip and close my eyes slowly moving my hands down his chest, to his abs and lift up his tank top to feel his warm smooth skin underneath. I feel his dark eyes still watching me as I lift it further, trailing my fingertips over every muscle, back up to his toned chest and lean back down, taking his right nipple into my mouth and flick my tongue as my dark hair falls down around me. After a few moments, I turn my attention to his left nipple trailing my tongue across and licking as a deep groan escapes from his throat.

"Shit..." He exhales once I break away and lift myself back up flipping my curls out of my face and ride him like only I can. He reaches up and cups my face in his palm, his thumb brushing across my bottom lip and lifts his hips up thrusting deep inside me. I throw my head back taking in a sharp breath and moaning as I move my hands to the bottom of my shirt.

He grasps my hips to help steady me, and I lift my Ozzy shirt up over my head revealing my sheer black lacy bra and tossing it somewhere as my dark curls fall down around my shoulders. I continue to move my hips wanting just one more release as he lifts himself up to a seated position with me, his lips connecting with my throat, brushing and softly sucking as his hands move around to my lower back, guiding me as I continue to work my hips enthralled in the feeling of him inside me. As I lean into him, touching my forehead to his, I thread my fingers through his curls feeling my walls tighten, ready to release once more.

"Shit... I'm so fucking close," Kenny groans as his eyes flick to mine.

"Let it go baby," I say and within seconds of my words, he cries out and not long after, I release as I feel him spill his seed inside me. He keeps his arms wrapped around me as I continue to keep my forehead against his, as we both try to catch our breaths, our chests both heaving as we do so.

"Did I ever tell you, just how much I fucking love you?" Kenny says after a few moments of nothing but the sound of our panting and some music off in the distance.

"Uh, huh... but you haven't yet today though," I giggle and he chuckles.

"Ok, well... I fucking love you, I love everything about you, I love every inch of you, I love the way you make me feel inside, I love -"

"Ok, ok I get it," I laugh and he chuckles as he moves his forehead from mine and brushes a few curls from my eyes, tucking them behind my ear.

"No, Andi... I mean it... I have no idea what it is about you but you're just as fucking crazy as I am. You're so fucking amazing in every way... you get me and when you laugh at my stupid jokes, it's the most amazing sound I've ever heard, and I've never met anyone that makes me feel the way you make me feel inside," Kenny says becoming serious.

"Sometimes I wish I could remember the very first time I met you just so that it wasn't weird for you when you mentioned it to me that night back in June when we started talking after our set at the Oz ... it was the Oz right?" Kenny says, raising his eyebrow trying to remember again which makes me giggle.

"Yea it was the Oz" I giggle.

"See you have such a better memory than me," Kenny jokes and I laugh.

"I'm just glad you didn't judge me for being a fan of you. I just didn't want you to think I was a groupie or... something," I say as I glance down at myself.

"Babe, you are not a groupie, trust me I could tell just how we clicked that night that you are not a groupie at all. I just want you to know that I've never loved anyone as much as I love you and I fucking swear that I don't ever want you to feel unwanted or alone ever again,"

With his dark eyes finding mine and looking straight into my soul, I couldn't help but feel this overwhelming feeling of intense love for him right back. It was seriously scaring the shit out of me. It's been so long since I've felt this feeling... this pure intense physical connection right off the start that completely turned into something more, and I never knew I wanted until it happened and I couldn't stop it. It's so incredible that it's hard to explain.

I'm not saying I didn't have something like this with Chris, I'm just saying with Kenny, it's completely different. It's so intensely passionate and free of any inhibitions. That I can basically say and do anything with him and he's right there with me, ready to jump off the cliff without hesitation. Kenny brings something out in me that I never thought was there. I don't feel shy or nervous when I'm around him at all. I feel confident and almost powerful, like I can do anything.

"I honestly never thought I could ever feel this way again. After everything I've been through, all I was looking for was just for some fun. I just wanted to forget how my life became so complicated. I tried so long to tell myself that I wasn't in love with you but who the hell was I kidding? Myself?" I confess as Kenny chuckles.

"Pretty much," He says and I giggle. After a couple of moments, I touch my forehead back to his again.

"I'm so in love with you that it actually scares me a little..."I say quietly.

"What's there to be scared of?" He asks sweetly.

"I just... I don't want to fall apart again," I say and he moves his forehead from mine.

"I won't let you fall apart baby," He says furrowing his brow and studying my eyes.

"Promise?" I ask, and after a few moments of silence of us just looking into each others eyes, a soft smile spreads across his lips. He cups my face in both of his palms, his thumb stroking my cheek as his dark eyes look into mine so intensely.

"Cross my heart..." He says and touches his forehead back to mine once more. After a few moments I needed to feel his lips on mine again. I hesitate for a moment and then press my lips to his, softly sucking on his bottom lip and deepening the kiss, my tongue flicking at his top lip and becoming incredibly passionate, full of hunger as his fingers thread through my curls and grip me at the nape of my neck.

"Andi? You back there?"

With a knock on the divider and the voice of Jerry - Type O Negative's road crew manager- I jump at the sound, and quickly pull away from Kenny' lips. 

"Yea?" My voice cracks and Kenny smirks.

"Vanessa just arrived with her camera guy so you better get out here," Jerry says, his tone a little stern but knowing him he's probably just hung over.

"Ok... I'll be right out," I say as I hear Jerry walk away and step off the bus.

"Fuck," I exhale and quickly let go of Kenny and fumble around to find my clothes.

"I thought you said we had like, an hour or something," Kenny says as he grabs his jeans from the floor and quickly buckles them back up.

"We did... but apparently she's early... damn it," I say as I button up my jeans and then walk around Kenny to grab my shirt off the floor. I flip my curls out of my face as I quickly throw my shirt back on and then try to fix my hair to make it seem like I didn't just fuck Kenny in the back of the bus, though I did and it was fucking incredible.

"Ok, I gotta go find Peter and go over a few things with Vanessa so, meet me out by the fountain in like... I don't know 15 minutes? " I say looking down as I fix the buckle to my silver studded belt.

"Sure babe," Kenny says sweetly and I glance up at him and place a quick kiss on his lips and just as I pull away, he grabs me and pulls me back into him placing another kiss on my lips, not wanting to let me go. I start to giggle against his lips and he moves away placing kisses along my jawline and to my earlobe which made me laugh.

"Kenny... ok ok, I gotta go," I laugh.

"God damn, I love the sound of your laugh," He says huskily in my ear which makes me giggle once more. I eventually pull away from him though he groans as he clearly doesn't want to let me go and I step towards the divider.

"15 minutes," I say glancing back at him.

"Yes, ma'am," Kenny says and I just shake my head as he chuckles and I head through the divider grabbing my planner out of my bag and heading off the bus to find Peter.


	11. I Want My MTV

Seattle Washington, September 3 1994

"...Alright, it's nice to see you again, I had no idea you were working with Pantera and Type O Negative," Vanessa Warwick smiles sweetly shaking my hand as Peter and Kenny grab a seat on the edge of the large fountain that stood in the center of the Seattle center with the Arena far off on the other side.

"I had no idea you even remembered me," I say.

"Oh, of course... I remember catching you and Chris on the GNR tour, what was that a couple of years ago now?" She says in her British accent.

"Um, yea about that long I think," I say shyly. I remember that encounter too. Chris and I making out in front of one of the trailers and Kim walking up with Vanessa, catching us right in the moment like we were a couple of teenagers. At least this time I wasn't in the middle of anything at all thank god.

Vanessa and I chat for a few more moments and I go over the plan with her for the interview with Kenny and Peter than show her where Dime and Phil were, since they are the only two that are able to do the interview (Rex and Phil are working on sound check for tonight) and offered to lead her there if she needs to find the trailer. She then heads over and greets Kenny and Peter while I check off a few things in my planner and I feel Kenny glance over at me for a moment while he takes a drag of his cigarette. I glance back over at him and he gives me such a sly sexy smirk that makes my insides flutter and I can't help but flirt right back with him knowing exactly what took place just a short while ago.

*****

"Alright well we just wanted to ask you, how are things going on tour? I heard you had a few new people on the road with you and you're opening for Pantera?" Vanessa asks as she points the mic towards Peter.

"Yep, well we are making the record company lots of money, they are very happy, we of course do have a few new crew members that are a slow to get used to us but that's ok, we like that," Peter says flatly.

"Alright, you're a bit cynical here but how do you think it's going compared to Europe? You were doing really really well in Europe," Vanessa chuckles.

"Well after touring 5 or 6 times here in the states, of course things are going well, 'cause each time we went out we went out with a different band each time. This is the first one where we're on the road with one band for a longer amount of time so it's been even better. A lot more stability I guess,"

"Now is type o negative actually a band that can write on the road? Or... really how much have you writen for your next album?" Vanessa asks pointing the mic back to Peter.

"I believe I have enough songs writen for like, 5 albums probably,"

"Wow, really?""Yea, so we'll probably just pick the strongest material," Peter says.

"And most of that was written on the road?"

"Some of it was yea, some was written like a long time ago and I just druged them up you know, and even sometimes I steal songs from the opening bands, and you know, we just rip 'em off like that, " Peter says in an extremely sarcastic tone as Vanessa laughs.

"So how was Dynamo'94 Kenny? I think that was the last time I saw you?" She asks.

"Uh that was very... uh.. confusing... um chaotic... unsanitary but I survived," Kenny says maintaining a bit of the sarcasm that Peter gave which makes me laugh.

"Alright well I'd say that about sums that up... ok we'll be back in a moment but right now we're going to show you a bit of type o negative live from Dynamo '94 here is 'Christian Woman' Vanessa smiles. After a few moments of random chatting between Vanessa and Peter and Kenny just staying quiet but glancing at me every once and a while and flirting, they come back from the live performance footage and continue with the interview.

"So we've got a few more moments to talk to type o negative before we catch up with Pantera who are the headliners tonight right here in Seattle at the Seattle Center and Peter I have to say that the Type O Negative today is quite different from when you first recorded and released 'Bloody Kisses' becasue you've got a new drummer Johnny...so I was wondering just how much is he going to be involved with new material and how it's going to change because of his input?"

"It is not going to change at all you know, because I write the songs... I request the members of the band play certain things and if they want to put their own two cents in , that's fine, so long as it doesn't stray from the basic idea I had in mind so it should sound a lot like 'Bloody Kisses' but uh, unless Johnny starts drinking like a lot of those health drinks you know, I really dont' think it's gonna change too much, " Peter responds sarcastically at first then adding in a bit of humor like he always does while Vanessa laughs.

"But what I was saying is that because he's more apart of the live environment and because of the touring has it become a much more closer unit type thing?" Vanessa turns to Kenny.

"Closer? Uh, as close as 4 people can be that have lived in a box for a year together,"

"That's pretty close," Vanessa chuckles.

"Pretty close," Kenny smirks at the camera

"Alright.. well thank you guys so much for hanging out with me for a few moments,"

"You're welcome sweetie" Peter says sweetly and Vanessa turns to the camera.

"Alright we're going to take a short break with some more live footage of Type O Negative from Dynamo '94 and we'll be back with the one and only Pantera... Stay tuned," Vanessa ends the interview and Peter reaches up and plays with her hoop earing, attempting to flirt which made me giggle. Peter can be so cute sometimes.

Once Vanessa thanks them again, she turns with her camera guy and heads over to the equipment trailers where Dime and Phil were to do the interview with them.

*****

"We are back and right now I have 'Dimebag' Darrel Abbot and Phil Anselmo of Pantera with me and I just wanted to say how amazing it is to see you guys again,"

"Thank you," Phil says sweetly.

"Now, I heard you guys were on tour with Megadeth last year, and you played a big show which went over really well..." Vanessa asks pointing the mic to Phil.

"Yea we uh you know, had some bad blood in the past but uh, we played the show together and mellowed things out and you know, just made up so to speak and uh... yea everything all smooth and cool," Phil smiles

"So with your last album, Vulgar Display Of Power, it was much heavier than Cowboys From Hell so for this one, um, Far Beyond Driven... it's much more aggressive sounding... were you wanting to maintain the same approach as the previous album?" Vanessa asks and point the mic to Dime.

"Um, well we just did it like we do it live, pretty much kept it going with how we do everything, stick to just being ourselves and whatever comes out, you know... " Dime says.

"Cool, ok um... a question for you Phil... the lyrics on this album are much more so filled with anger and frustration much like Vulgar but even more so, do you find that seems to gain more attention that way? Like it's the best way to express yourself?" Vanessa points the mic to Phil.

"Well... uh... yea I guess, see people always focus on my lyrics for how fueled with anger they are and yea I do feel that way sometimes but not all the time. I find that this is the best way to express myself and my feelings when I do feel angered or frustrated, it's therapy you know, and if others feel the same way, it can be therapy for them as well. But there's always something positive at the end of each song you know... well positive to me anyways," 

"Alright, now you guys describe your sound as power groove, how have you carried that on in Far Beyond Driven?" Vannessa asks.

"Um, well, we write song that move people you know, instead of going a hundred million miles and hour we just uh, write song that will move ya, and make you wanna dance man... no I'm not talking about - for those of you that don't know - ballroom dancing and shit, we're talking about dancing and uh.. you punks out there know what I'm talking about - Anyway it's like... writing songs that we feel you know - "

'Its like not trying, it's just letting it happen," Dime finishes what phil was trying to get across as Vanessa giggles.

"Alright, thank you Dime and Phil for hanging out with me for a few moments," Vanessa smiles sweetly.

"No problem sweetie," Phil says sweetly.

"Alright so right now, we're going to show you a few live clips of Pantera from the Monsters of Rock tour and we'll be back in just a bit," Vanessa says as she turns back to the camera and the camera guy cuts the interview.

"Thank you, guys... we'll see you a little later," Vanessa turns back to Phil and Dime and shakes their hands as they wish her well. She then turns to me and thanks me though she really didn't need to. I thank her as well and make sure she doesn't need anything else from me which she says she's completely fine making it out of the Seattle Center on her own. After a few more moments of chatting with her she says goodbye and walks away with her camera guy.

"Hey Andi... do we have anything else we need to do today?" Phil asks me as he steps over to me to look over my shoulder while I check more things off in my planner.

"Um... just looks like sound check and then pretty much nothing until the show tonight. You guys are on at 10:00pm and Type O's opening between 8 and 8:15pm," I say as I read through the schedule.

"Dude, what time is it?" Phil calls over to Dime as Dime stands in the doorway of their tour bus taking a sip of his can of beer.

"6:00" Dime calls back and takes another sip.

"Fuckin' right on, ok, I need a fuckin' beer man," Phil says excitedly and walks away from me as I glance up and giggle at his reaction.

"KENNNYYY!!!!!" Dime calls and I turn to see Kenny walking up towards us, puffing away on a cigarette with his gorgeous dark curls swaying with each movement and Johnny following not far behind. I swear every time I see him, my heart starts to flutter and I love it every time it does.

"Hey baby," Kenny says sweetly to me and places a kiss on my forehead as I close my planner.

"Awe... the two love birds... look at you two... so cute," Phil says as he steps down off the bus with a beer in hand.

"Shut up," I giggle and they all laugh. I don't know why they insist on teasing me all the time but whatever.

"You still need to head home to pick up a few things?" Kenny asks taking a drag of his cigarette.

"I do but it's alright, I can just grab some things tomorrow since you guys have the day off," I say.

"We have a day off?" Kenny asks. Apparently he had no idea.

"Yep. Then you have a show in Portland at the Coliseum on Saturday," I say trying to remember, then opening my planner quickly for a moment to check.

"Yep the Coliseum on Saturday," I re-iterate more to myself than to Kenny as he chuckles.

"What?" I giggle, closing my planner back up and flipping my curls out of my face as I look up at him, not sure why he was laughing at me.

"You are just so adorable when you're all organized and shit," He says and exhales a cloud of smoke and presses his lips to my temple.

"Ok fuckers! Lets Drink!!" Phil exclaims and we all laugh as I head up on the bus with Kenny to get our much needed drink on.


	12. Welcome To The Machine

Arizona State, October 16 1994

"No, you've got to be fucking kidding me!" Kenny exclaims as we stand outside the tour bus on a long stretch of Highway, somewhere between Phoenix and Tuscon Arizona. It was mid afternoon and the bright Arizona sun was beating down as the tour bus driver - Mike - attempts to flag someone down for some help. The bus of course decided to breakdown, the ball bearings of the front tires apparently seized causing the bus to lock up completely on the highway. We were all just perfectly fine drinking and hanging out when there was this huge thrust forward and the driver had to steer us off to the side of the highway. I fucking thought we like hit someone or something but no, it's just the stupid bus. Fuck sakes!

"Ok, look guys... I'm just gonna head back and see if there is a gas station or something. I'm gonna have to call someone for help, so Andi, here... take the bus keys and I'll be back," Mike says pulling out the keys from his pocket. He was incredibly tall and really built, I almost didn't picture him as a bus driver at all.

"Wait...what do you want me to do with the keys?" I ask taking the keys from him and flipping my curls out of my face.

"Just keep 'em for now, but I'll be back guys, I swear," Mike says and turns off to walk down the highway. I stood there in the hot Arizona sun looking down at the keys in my hand and turn around to see Kenny, and Johnny leaning against the bus having a smoke, Peter turning around and heading back up into the bus and Josh was still up in his bunk on the bus sleeping off his hangover.

"What the fuck are we gonna do now?" Johnny asks taking a drag of his smoke.

"I uh, guess we just wait," I say as I walk up to Kenny and Johnny and I glance back at Mike as he walks farther away from us.

"Fuck... it's always something," Kenny says as he takes a drag of his cigarette and looks down at himself, his jet black curls gently blowing in the breeze.

"We just better not miss the show man. All our gear shows up and we're nowhere to be found... how the hell would we explain that?" Johnny says, his tone slightly frustrated.

"Don't worry, we'll make it..." I say trying to sound hopeful as Kenny glances at me exhaling a cloud of smoke.

*6 Hours Later*

"I thought you said we would make it," Kenny smirks at me with a sarcastic tone as we sit up on the bus waiting for Mike. It was now dark out and here we are still sitting on the side of the highway with a broken down bus and 4 guys who are all annoyed at me somehow because I apparently was the one who broke the bus.

"It's not my fault Mike hasn't come back yet," I say in a flatly as I sit across from Kenny on the couch.

"No but it is your fault for letting him go with the fucking change because now we have no way to call anyone for help," Kenny says angered.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know he had all the change? I've never had to carry change on me because usually we have a fucking working bus, it's not my fault,"

"Oh so you're going to bring up how it was soooo much better working for Soundgarden cause they had better working equipment,"

"Excuse me?! When did I ever bring up Soundgarden... all I said was that I've never had to deal with a broken down bus before!" I shoot back at Kenny, my anger clearly revealed at this point.

"First fucking time for everything right?!"

"Ok, look yelling at me is not going to get us there any faster alright, just fucking chill," I say as I loosen the laces to my Doc Martens and avoiding his eyes altogether. I'm really not in the mood to

"Chill? Really? Just fucking chill she says," Kenny chuckles sarcastically and I look over at him completely pissed with him.

"Well what the fuck am I supposed to do? Get out underneath the bus and fix it myself?!" I yell back at him.

Now, I'm really pissed.

"Hey guys, stop ok... look we're all a little tired and hungry lets just relax ok," Johnny says as he walks up from the back lounge area of the bus. Suddenly there were some bright flashing lights that could be seen out of the windshield up at the front and get up off the couch quickly to run out and see Mike in the passenger side of the large tow truck pulling up in front of the bus.

"Oh my god, what the fuck took so long?" I ask as Mike steps out of the passenger side of the tow truck.

"It took forever to find a gas station and then when I finally was able to get a hold of a tow truck, it was already dark. I'm sorry guys, we got help but you missed your set though," Mike says.

"Yea no shit," Kenny says as the tow truck guys get to working on the front of the bus.

"I uh, got a hold of Jerry and he's sending the equipment bus to pick you all up so it might be a little longer of a wait but at least you'll be able to make it to Tuscon and get to a hotel," Mike explains.

"Ok... thank you Mike," I say relieved at the fact that we don't have to sleep on the bus on the side of the highway.

*****

Not long after, we were finally picked up by the equipment bus and stuffed all our luggage as best we could into the bus, then made our way into Tuscon and checked into a hotel. Since there were only two rooms available, Peter, Josh and Johnny decided to all share one which left Kenny and I with the other. Once we reached our room and we set our bags down by the door, I threw my leather jacket on the chair and immediately began to peel off my Dead Kennedy's tank top, tossing it on to the floor and then sit myself down on the bed to unlace my Doc Marten's.

Kenny and I haven't said one word to each other since we were yelling at each other back on the broken down bus and I wasn't in the mood to argue anymore. I just wanted this day to be over. As I set my boots aside, Kenny sets his leather jacket on the chair and watches me as I unbuckle my belt and peel off my ripped jeans.

"I'm going in for a quick shower," I say quietly as I step out of my jeans. Kenny still says nothing though I can feel his eyes follow me as I make my way into the small hotel bathroom in just my black thong panties and lacy black bra. I close the door and start up the shower as I examine myself in the mirror while I wait for the water to warm up.

I hate fighting. We don't fight all the time, actually really hardly ever at all, but when we do... fuck I wish it just wouldn't happen at all. I know it's just because we're all so exhausted and cranky and sleeping on a bus with 4 boys all the fucking time is starting to drive me insane. But this is what I signed up for. This is what I do. I could handle it when I was on the road with Soundgarden so I sure as hell can handle it with Type O and Pantera.

I step into the shower stall and let the warm water run over my body. Damn this feels amazing. After a couple of minutes I hear the bathroom door open.

"Can I come in?" Kenny asks.

"Yea," I say quietly as I close my eyes to let the water run over my head. I hear him open the shower curtain and he quickly closes it as I wipe the water from my face to open my eyes to look at him. He glances over my body and then back up to my eyes and I could just tell that he was sorry for yelling at me. I offer a half smile and he gives me a cute little smirk and touches his forehead to mine, the water now washing over him, soaking his dark curls that splayed across his chest.

"Well that was... fun," He says and I smirk.

"Yea I love it when the bus breaks down and shit gets all fucked up, and we end up fighting. I don't know about you but I'm ready to do that all over again," I joke and Kenny starts laughing.

"I'm sorry baby," He says sweetly.

"Me too," I say.

"You know what the best part about fighting is?" He says low and raspy as he glances at me under his brow.

"What?" I ask with his hands moving to my hips and around to my lower back. My hands rest on his biceps, feeling him flex a little as he presses my body to his, letting the water wash over us.

"Making up," He says and presses his lips to mine and I couldn't help but melt in his arms as his tongue swipes across my bottom lip. His tongue begins to play with mine as I reach up and lace my fingers through his wet curls, pressing my chest to his as he wraps his arms around me.

Arlington Texas, October 31 1994

"What the.... seriously Peter...?" Kenny exclaims as he picks his guitar from the guitar rack backstage. Peter decided to have some drunken fun and spray painted Kenny's Gibson SG completely black.

"What?" Peter says flatly as he walks over to him.

"We go on in like fucking 15 minutes and you spray my guitar with black spray paint?! It's all over the strings, the pickups... Peter what the fuck?!" Kenny exclaims sounding incredibly mad as I try desperately to not laugh as Peter looks at him taking a swig of his bottle of wine.

"It'll sound better that way, I promise," Peter jokes. They are constantly pulling pranks on each other and this is probably the best prank Peter has pulled on Kenny. Little does Peter know, Kenny fucked around with his bass earlier so really Kenny shouldn't be the one complaining. Peter just doesn't even know it yet.

"It's not even fucking dry yet," Kenny says as he takes his guitar and sets it down on the back bench that's behind the stage and starts to re-string his guitar.

"Baby, do you need - "

"Nope I don't need any help, just leave me... fuck," Kenny cuts me off still clearly annoyed but I couldn't help giggling because it was just so funny. Kenny shoots me a look and I just throw up my hands and try not to let him see me laugh as I walk away.

*20 Minutes later*

Once everyone was on stage and just as soon as Peter goes to pluck the first chord of Black No 1, it was the worst sound I had ever heard come out of a bass. I wish I could describe it. The only way I could think to describe it is like a huge fart or something, I don't know but it was fucking hilarious. As I stand off stage by Kenny's Mesa Boogie amp stack, Kenny, who was covered in black spray paint still, his forearms and hands still black from his guitar, shoots me a glance like he knew that would happen and starts laughing as I shake my head at him.

"Well since my bass is fucked I'm just going to stand here until someone can give me a proper working bass," Peter's voice booms into the mic and the crowd starts to go crazy, some laughing but mostly 'booing'.

"John, can you get him his bass?" I ask as I run back behind Johnny's drum kit where Peter's bass tech guy which is really Kenny's guitar tech guy as well stood behind, trying to string up another bass.

"I'm working on it," John says as he quickly threads the strings passed the pick ups and through the bridge of Peter's back up bass. Once John finishes stringing the bass and with the crowd's 'booing' becoming even louder, he runs out on stage and hands Peter a new bass and the crowd starts to cheer. I take my place back by Kenny's amps and take a long sip of my Jack and Coke.

Oh my God these boys are a handful.

Las Vegas Nevada, December 4 1994

"Kenny, no seriously... what are you doing!?" I ask half laughing as I stand back stage at the Thomas and Mack Center. It was the last show of the tour and the crowd was going insane as different members of the road crew were whizzing by me trying to understand just what was happening.

"Ooooh baby, I'm gettin' 'em I swear," Kenny laughs maniacally as he grabs a bottle of mustard from the buffet table and steps back up to the stage grabbing me by my hip and pulling me into him and pressing his lips to mine. It caught me off guard at fist and I giggle against his lips but then he begins to move his lips with mine and I reach up and lace my fingers through his messy dark curls that flowed passed his shoulders and suck his beautiful bottom lip.

He then pulls away from me just as fast as he pulled me into him, then laughs as he runs out on to the stage with the bottle of mustard while Peter and Josh throw more toilet paper rolls out into the crowd. Dime and Phil who were also on stage, Dime still trying to play a few riffs from his guitar, become covered in toilet paper while the crowed continues to go insane.

I have never see so much toilet paper being thrown and as I stand there watching the spectacle, more members of Type O's crew whir passed me to try to stop them. It was pure craziness, seeing Kenny squirt the bottle of mustard all over Dime with Dime laughing like a crazy man with his guitar, picking a bottle of ketchup that somehow got on stage and squirting it right back at Kenny.

"Andi!!!" I hear Johnny scream my name from somewhere behind me and as I turn around, he squirts me with a bottle of ketchup all over my chest and laughs.

"The Fuck?!" I exclaim completely surprised and look down to see my Black Sabbath shirt covered in the red sticky, vinegary sauce.

"Oh shit!" Johnny laughs as I immediately run at him and try to get the ketchup bottle from him. This is insane. Completely utterly fucking insane but so much fucking fun at the same time. Johnny manages to get away from me as he is pretty fucking quick and I run over to the buffet table looking for another bottle of ketchup or mustard, really anything just to get him back. Once I grab the bottle and run back to the steps of the stage, Johnny was already out on stage fucking around with everyone else.

The chaos ensued and I could see the whole stage covered in toilet paper, food, spit, various alcoholic substances as everyone just lets their aggression out. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, let alone be a part of. It was fucking amazing!


	13. Somewhere In My Dreams

Seattle Washington, December 22 1994

The overcast light of early winter in Seattle lights up our room in a blue-grey hue. I slowly stretch and feel him snake his arm around me, pulling me closer into him. I then feel him brush my curls off my shoulder as his lips gently brush across the back of my neck sending shivers down my spine.

"Hi," He says with his voice raspy from sleeping and god damn did it ever sound sexy.

"Hey," I exhale as his lips move to my earlobe and his fingers trail to my nipple.

"I was having the most amazing dream about you," He says huskily in my ear.

"Really?" I say sleepily.

"Uh huh,"

"What was it about?" I ask and I feel him press himself up against my backside, feeling his incredible hardness as I bite my bottom lip.

"It was spring... we were outside in the woods...underneath a huge oak tree...your beautiful body laying completely naked on a blanket and you were... touching yourself in the most erotic way..."

"Where were you?" I ask innocently as I play along, his fingers still playing with my nipple as I arch my back to him, pressing my backside against him knowing it is driving him crazy.

"Watching you... as you were playing... you were biting your lip and trying so hard to cum," He purrs with his voice now full of lust, driving me crazy. I turn myself over to face him, throwing my thigh over his hip and he immediately moves his lips down to my nipple, flicking his tongue and gently nipping, his beard tickling me as he sucks my nipple. I let out a shaky sigh as I reach down and take the length of him in my hand, feeling how extremely hard he is and squeezing him a little.

"Did I cum?" I sigh as his tongue flicks my nipple, his hand moving down in between my thighs, his fingers finding my clit and stroking me so gently in the most perfect way, making me bite my lip and move my hips responding to his touch.

"Not yet baby... but I'll get you there,"

"Chris..."

*****

I slowly wake and I was back in my own room, alone in complete darkness. I turn to see the alarm clock on my bedside table and see that it was only 3:23am. As much as I felt extremely horny after that dream, I suddenly started to feel lonely and heartbroken all over again.

A dream about Chris? What the fuck?

I lay there staring up at the ceiling for a few moments and then turn over onto my side, grabbing the spare pillow and I hold it tight against me. It's been months without him so why in the fuck would I now just have a dream about him.

God, he was so gorgeous in my dream though. His body so warm and smooth, soft but holding me firmly, his beautiful dark curls passed his shoulders like he used to have, his perfectly trimmed beard and those amazing blue eyes that captivated me right from the beginning. Those eyes that would caress my every curve, making me feel like I was the only one for him, and those lips. I used to love sucking on that bottom lip of his. The way his lips would kiss every inch of my body -

-No Andrea, this is stupid. I'm in love with Kenny now. I'm supposed to be flying to New York this morning to stay with Kenny for the holidays so why all of a sudden now am I missing the one person who gave up on me faster than you could shake a stick at?

I held the pillow tighter to my chest in hopes that I would just fall back to sleep. After what seemed like hours, I turn and glance at the alarm clock once more.

"Urgh," I groan as I see it was now only 4:13am. This is going to be a long day.

Seattle -Tacoma International Airport

It was a few hours later and I arrived at the airport for my flight to New York a little early, so I decided to grab some breakfast in the airport restaurant while I wait.

I grab a little table by the window with a view of the runway and order some food. Once the waitress comes back with my coffee first, I glance up and I swear I thought my heart was going to drop and roll out on to the restaurant floor.

I see Chris walking in through the restaurant with a duffle bag over his shoulder, in his black jacket that has the flag print on the back, a dark army green button up shirt and his blue jeans. His hair is spiky but curly at the same time with that perfectly trimmed beard and those incredible blue eyes that I could see from where I was sitting. He pats his chest as he tries to find his wallet, then reaches around into his back pocket to pull it out.

I'm not exactly sure why but I just couldn't stop watching him. When I had that meeting with Susan back in the summer time to dissolve the contract between Soundgarden and I, it was hard to be in the same room as him. I couldn't even look at him without feeling like I was falling apart. I don't know if it was that dream I has last night or what but, now I'm finding it hard to take my eyes off him.

He quickly checks his wallet and as he stuffs it back into his back pocket, he glances up and his eyes find mine. I suddenly felt flustered and quickly looked away, feeling my heart pound inside my chest as if it was hammering to get out. I take a sip of my water as I flip my dark curls out of my face and desperately wait for the waitress to come back with my food when out of the corner of my eye, I see him walking towards my table.

No, no... no god no.

"Andi...?"

I finish taking a sip of my water and look up to see him standing at my table with a sweet grin on his face.

"Hi," I say shyly and he smiles at me. I felt completely awkward as I had no idea what to do next.

"Hi," He says sweetly back. Apparently he felt just as awkward as I did. I set my coffee down and instead of making it even more awkward, I stand up from my chair and move over to him and embrace him in a hug. Chris wraps his arms around me for a few moments and I could smell his fresh cologne. A part of me really misses that scent so much.

"Sorry, I uh... just haven't seen you in a while..." I say as I pull away from him wondering if I should've even given him a hug in the first place.

"No, Andi... it's alright," Chris says sweetly as I feel his eyes glance over me.

"How are you?" I ask.

"I'm alright... same old shit just... different day y'know?" He smiles. After a couple of moments of silence I figured I should ask him to sit down with me. He takes my offer and we sit down at my table while I still wait for my breakfast. I offer to get the waitress to come back for him to order a coffee but he declines.

"You um... going away... er something?" I say awkwardly again.

Well of course he is Andrea, his is in an airport after all.

"Uh, yea... we have a show tonight in Vegas so, I'm catching the early fight. You know I like to be early," He smiles and I smile shyly back.

"Yea," I say quietly and take another sip of my coffee.

"You uh, going away for the holidays?" Chris asks as he glances down at my luggage bag on the floor beside my chair.

"Uh, yea... I am actually," I smile and the waitress comes back with my food.

"You sure you don't want anything?" I ask as the waitress waits for Chris to make a decision.

"Um, yea maybe just a coffee... uh, black please,' Chris says as the waitress nods and heads back to grab him his coffee.

"So um... you headed back home for the holidays?" Chris asks once the waitress comes back with his coffee and he takes a sip.

"Um... no just taking a little trip," I say as he flicks his blue eyes to mine.

"I um... heard you were working with Pantera... that had to have been crazy," Chris says.

"Yea, that was amazing. Crazy is a nice way of putting it though... but oh my god it was really so fucking cool to work with them," I beam and Chris chuckles.

"Like a dream come true, huh?" Chris says.

"Oh my god, it was. They were so sweet too... the picked on me a lot... not in a bad way though but Dime was so sweet the entire time,"

"Type O Negative was opening on that same tour right?" Chris asks taking another sip of his coffee and for some reason I felt a pang of resentment, or hurtfulness, some sort of feeling I couldn't quite describe.

"Uh, yea... yea they were," I say and take a bite of my food.

"That's awesome though... two of your favorite bands that you got to work for on one tour -"

"Chris,"

" - I mean... that seems like such a crazy tour... and you would've got to meet Kenny Hickey... I know how much of a fan you were -are -or -"

"Chris,"

"You're still seeing Kenny right? I mean Kim mentioned it sort of flippantly a few months ago but he didn't say anything. Is it serious or is it -?"

"Chris!" I cut him off again and drop my fork on my plate.

"What?" He asks innocently as if I didn't know what he was trying to do. I let out a long sigh as we sit there for a few moments listening to the mumbling of random conversations from the other guests in the airport restaurant. Chris exhales and glances down at his coffee for a moment.

"Look, I wasn't trying to pry or anything... I was just making conversation," Chris flicks his blue eyes to mine again but I wasn't sure if he really was just trying to make conversation or not.

"Um... yea... yea I'm still seeing Kenny," I say quietly after a few moments as I look down at my plate and play with my fork. I never really intended on letting Chris know that but it's not like I could hide it given the fact that Kim already said something even though he said he wouldn't mention anything to Chris. Not like I care anyways. Chris and I aren't together anymore.

"Well, that's good... that's good. He uh... seems like a really cool guy," Chris says awkwardly as she shifts in his seat and takes the last sip of his coffee.

"Yea, he is pretty cool," I smile at the thought of Kenny even though I suddenly felt bad that I admitted I was dating someone else, but I shouldn't feel bad. I'm with someone who wants to be with me and that's more than I could say for Chris.

"You seeing anyone?" I ask as I take the last bite of my food and set my fork down on my plate.

"Me? No... not really... not seriously anyways. I don't have time to really. This tour's kicking my ass so I basically just... you know, keep myself busy with my music and stuff," Chris sighs.

"I'm sorry,"

"What for?" He asks confused.

"I don't know... it just felt like the right thing to say?" I grimace and Chris laughs. I miss his laugh sometimes. I feel his eyes glance over me as I flip my curls out of my face again as the waitress comes back to take my plate and leaves me the bill.

"Here," Chris says as he pulls out his wallet.

"No, no it's ok I got it," I say as I reach into my bag, my curls falling down in my face.

"Too late, I already put the cash in there," He says and flips the bill folder closed.

"Chris," I look up at him pushing my curls behind my ear and he just smirks at me.

"I uh, gotta run... my flight should be boarding anytime now... but um... it was good to see you Bab - er Andi," He catches himself for a second as he stands up from his seat and I could feel my heart flutter at the fact that he almost called me 'baby' like he used to.

"Um, yea me too actually," I say as I zip up my bag and rise from my chair. I smooth out my Behemoth band shirt, ironically the one that I got the first time I took Chris to see Behemoth back in '88. Fuck that was a lifetime ago. I adjust my leather jacket and sling my bag over my shoulder as I grab a luggage bag from beside my chair. I flip my curls out of my face as I look up at him and he glances at me just like he used to do, those beautiful blue eyes that seem to look right through me, knowing every part of me and somewhere deep down inside I know I still love him. 

"See you later Andrea," Chris says sweetly after a few moments of us just looking at each other and he turns and walks away from me, his Doc Marten's thudding against the restaurant tile floor.

"Yea... see ya," I say quietly more to myself than to anyone else as I watch him walk away, feeling this incredible longing for him and wanting to scream at him that I still love him and that I made a mistake when I left him all those months ago. 

No, Andrea you're in love with Kenny! Kenny Hickey remember?!

I shake my head out of my reverie and glance up at the clock on the wall over the restaurant bar. My flight was leaving in about an hour so I adjust myself to get my bearings again and make my way to the terminal.

New York, here I come.


	14. Happy New...

Brooklyn New York, December 31 1994

"Hey babe, you ready in there?" Kenny calls from his living room while I stand in his bathroom still applying my make-up, my classic black smoky eye that I always do because one: I only own 1 eye shadow pallet, two: it's the only type of eye that I know how to do and three: well... it just enhances my metal chick appearance.

"Yea, yea I'm just... ugh, I feel like if I get one eye perfect the other one just always looks wonky or something," I call back to him and I hear him continue on with whatever he was playing on his guitar, the distortion emitting from his amp filling the apartment.

It was new years eve and we were heading out to Saint Vitus Bar and Night club tonight to celebrate the new year. Johnny is also meeting us there with his girlfriend Carrie and I was excited to go and hang out have a few drinks and ring in 1995.

Spending Christmas with Kenny was amazing. We didn't really do much other than Kenny introducing me to his mother, which was so weird for me, but at least it was just his mom. Since Kenny is an only child just like me and his father is completely out of the picture, it was nice not to have a lot of people to meet all at once, especially for the first time. His mom is really sweet and so much like Kenny, so funny and talkative, it makes you wonder where he gets it.

It got a little emotional though when she started asking stuff about me, especially when she asked about my mom. Even though I'm passed most of the pain with losing my mom, it's still hard to talk about. Especially when I put myself back to that moment when I watched her die in the hospital and you know we don't even need to get into talking about when I lost my baby girl.

"Do I look ok?" I ask when I come out of the bathroom and look down at myself, smoothing out my ripped denim mini skirt and adjusting my silver studded belt. Kenny flicks his eyes up to me while he continues to play as I try and fix my Black Sabbath band shirt that I had all cut up and styled.

"You look hot babe," He says as he stops playing for a moment, his eyes wondering over my body while he raises his eyebrow at me. He was already ready to go in his leather jacket, a plain black t-shirt and black jeans, his curls perfectly passed his shoulders. I feel bad that I'm taking so long but I feel self conscious for some reason and I don't know why. I think I just need a drink.

He starts to play again, his black Gibson SG that Peter had spray painted which finally dried only just a few days ago resting across his lap. Kenny was so pissed when Peter did that but that's what you get for Halloween pranks I guess. I thought it was hilarious, but not the part where Kenny had to re-string his guitar right before going on, that kinda sucked and I felt bad about that, but Kenny's reaction when the black spray paint ended up all over his arms and hands... that was funny.

As he closes his eyes for a moment, lost in the riff that he is playing I glance at him and smirk, then lean down and take his can of beer that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him and take a sip.

"Hey, what the -? What are you doin' with my beer?" He says, his thick Brooklyn accent coming out and immediately flicks his eyes open to look up at me.

"I'm thirsty," I say and take another sip.

"Well then grab a beer outta the fridge," He says gesturing to the kitchen.

"I don't want a whole beer though," I say.

"So? It's my beer," Kenny says and I start to giggle.

"Oh I'm sorry, your majesty," I say sarcastically giggling and pretending to bow in front of him.

"You're gonna be sorry, come here," Kenny chuckles though clenched teeth, grabbing my belt and pulling me to him as I laugh. I take another sip as he lifts up the bottom of my shirt, his guitar still resting in his lap and places his lips to my stomach, tickling me as he brushes his lips across, then gently biting and I yelp in surprise while he laughs.

"Kenny!" I laugh.

"Nah you're in for it now babe," He says and he slides his guitar off his lap, making random distortion noises out of the amp and takes the beer out of my hand takes a quick sip, setting it down on the table and pulls me back to him, his hands moving up my thighs, pushing up my skirt and gripping my butt cheeks firmly under my skirt.

"I fucking love it when you don't wear any panties baby," Kenny says raspy and deep as he places more kisses on my stomach.

"But I am wearing panties, well a thong anyways,"

"Really? Lemme see," He says so seductively as he lifts my skirt up even further, revealing the black lace of my panties.

"Kenny, no... we have to go, it's already 7:00pm and were supposed to meet Johnny," I giggle as he continues to brush his lip across my skin, tickling me.

"Urgh," He groans as I pull my skirt back down.

"We just fucked like 20 minutes ago," I laugh.

"20 minutes? More like an hour ago," He says.

"Ok, then an hour ago... anyways, we need to get going," I say as I step away from him and pull my shirt back down.

"You're just excited to drink more," He smirks raising his eyebrow as he reaches for his beer and takes the last sip as I slip on my leather jacket, pulling my curls out from underneath.

"Fuckin' right I am, It's new years eve baby," I say and he laughs. He stands up from the couch, switches off his amp, pats himself down making sure he has his wallet and cigarettes, then adjusts himself which makes me smirk.

"What?" He says.

"Nothing," I chuckle.

"Well I can't go out with him trying to escape my pants," Kenny says as he walks towards me and I laugh.

"Don't laugh, you," He says which of course makes me laugh more. He grabs my butt again and pulls me against him, placing his lips to my earlobe, gently nibbling and I know he's just doing it to turn me on like he is, but I'm not going to let it work. But damn does he ever smell really fucking good.

"Ok, ok... let's just get out of here," I laugh as I push myself away from him and he chuckles as we head out the door.

Saint Vitus Bar and Nightclub

"Ok... who's having a shot with me?" Johnny asks as he looks around at the group of people that were with us. We were all up at the bar, Kenny behind me with his hand on my lower back while I sat on a barstool beside Johnny, Carrie standing on the other side of him trying to flag down the bartender to order some shots.

"You, want one Andi?" Johnny asks.

"Do you really have to ask?" I smirk and he laughs as he hands out some shots for everyone who was around to drink some with him. I take it from him and he hands one to Kenny, then once everyone has their shots Kenny calls to raise them up in the air.

"Alright, lets have a fuckin' awesome night mother fuckers," He says excitedly and we all down our shots at once. As I down my shot I realize that it was just a Jagermiester shot which basically did nothing for me at all. I set the cup back down on the bar and flagged the bartender down to order a couple of Jack Daniels shots.

"You wanna have a real shot with me now?" I ask and Kenny raises his eyebrow at me, setting his cup down on the bar.

"A real one? That wasn't real enough for you?" Johnny chuckles.

"Real? More like really weak," I joke and Kenny starts to laugh and Johnny just smirks at me. I take the shots that sat in front of me on the bar and pass one to Johnny and the other to Kenny.

"JD?" Johnny asks as he takes the shot from me.

"You know it,"

"Fuck dude, she's hardcore,"

"You have no idea," Kenny chuckles.

"Well you think he would since I just spent 5 months on the road with you two," I giggle as I look back at Kenny and Kenny just shrugs.

"So you gonna take the shot with me or what?" I giggle raising my eyebrow at Johnny.

"Fuck yea," Johnny chuckles and holds up his shot glass. I clink his glass with mine and then Kenny and we all down it at the same time, feeling that sweet burn trickle down my throat.

After a little while and a few more of those lovely Jack Daniels shots, I begin to feel that wonderful glow of drunkenness while all of us laugh and carry on and it was amazing to say the least. These last 7 months have been some of the best times of my life and I was finally able to enjoy drinking without feeling like I was trying to drown my pain like before.

I feel good. I feel amazing. Who knew that I would eventually get to know Type O like the way I do now, given the fact that I started out as a fan first. Never in a million years would I think that I would work for 2 of my favorite bands and have them accept me the way they have. Never in a million years would I even think that I would fall in love again, though that day at the airport when I was leaving for New York had me second guessing myself for a bit.

Running into Chris was the last thing I wanted to do. Ever since then, as much as I hate to admit it to myself, I haven't been able to stop thinking about running into him. It's scaring me too because just as soon as I think I'm ok and that I've moved on, Chris somehow shows up one way or another, either in my dreams or in reality and it's like I'm being pulled in one direction or the other.

"Andi, would you come to the bathroom with me?" Johnny's girlfriend asks as she bounces over to me.

"Uh, yea sure," I say and I slide down off the barstool and realize those shots have hit me harder than I thought as I nearly fall to the floor

"Whoa babe are you alright?" Kenny laughs as he helps me steady myself and I lean back against the chair while Johnny and Carrie chuckle at my clumsiness.

"Well there's all sorts of gravity in here," I slur a little as Kenny laughs.

"I'm just going... to... where were we going again?" I start to say to Kenny then turn back and ask.

"The bathroom," She laughs.

"Oh right... I'm just going to the bathroom," I lean into Kenny, whispering in his ear, trying to act normal but clearly I'm a little drunk.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," He says slyly and I pull away giving him a confused look for a moment then realize he's just being funny.

"Just go baby," He chuckles though I still give him a confused look but Carrie takes my hand, laughing as she leads me to the bathroom with her.

*****

"So... have you asked her yet?" Johnny say taking another sip of a shot and setting the empty glass down on the bar. Kenny takes a sip of his beer and says nothing for a few moments.

"No,"

"Well dude you better ask her before you lose your nerve, or at least before that ring wears a hole through your pocket," Johnny chuckles as the bartender sets down a bottle of beer in front of him.

"I know, I know... I just... I need the right moment. Every time I think it's the right moment, we get distracted or... I don't know," Kenny says and takes another sip of his beer.

"Ask her tonight man. It's new years eve. It's the perfect time," Johnny says taking another sip.

"Maybe," Kenny says glancing down at his beer and taking another sip.

"Maybe? What, are you afraid she's gonna say 'no'?"

*****

"Holy fuck, Andi I'm so drunk... how bout you?" Carrie says from the bathroom stall as I check my make -up in the mirror.

"Yea, yea I'm a wee bit smashed," I say imitating an Irish accent and Carrie starts laughing.

"Just a wee bit?" She asks imitating the same accent.

"Yep, a wee bit," I laugh. I look down at myself and adjust my shirt, making sure everything looks alright.

"I just have to say that you and Kenny are so freaking cute together... I never thought he would find someone that matches him so perfectly," Carrie says as she flushes and stumbles out of the bathroom stall.

"Really?" I ask as I look up to see her walk up to the sink, flipping her long straight locks out of her face, examining her make - up just as I did before.

"Well yea, like... the chemistry between you two is crazy, I mean anyone can see it from the way he looks at you. I've known Kenny for so long, well as long as I've been with Johnny obviously and he's never been this way with any girl. He's always been a flirt of course but with you, it's like you can see him light up when he talks about you and when you're around he's just like... locked to you... it's fucking amazing. You should definitely just move here. I'm honestly surprised you haven't yet," She gushes to me as she fixes her eye make-up in the mirror.

I had no idea what to even say to that. My drunken clouded head feels elated that everyone notices how much I love him, but a part of me is still so unsure. Like I said before, I never thought I could fall in love with anyone again, let alone as fast as I did with Kenny. He is so perfect for me. He really is.

So why the fuck can I not get Chris out of my fucking head?

"Well, I don't know but, I think I need another drink, how about you?" Carrie asks breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yea, another drink sounds perfect," I smile and we giggle as we head out of the bathroom.


	15. ...Year

Brooklyn New York, December 31 1994

As the night went on and the drinks continued to flow, I found myself slowing down just a little bit only because I wasn't exactly in the mood to have a hangover tomorrow morning. As we all sit at one of the table booths, since sitting up at the bar proved to be a little crowded than before, we all laugh and carry on joking with Kenny being so silly with me the entire time. He and Johnny start to reminisce over the last year, remembering stupid shit Peter had pulled on the Pantera tour, as well as even previous tours before that when they travelled to Europe the first time. Funny how ringing in another year will make you remember the past.

".... holy fuck did they ever live up to their name though," Kenny chuckles taking a sip of his beer.

"Who? Pungent Stench?" Johnny laughs.

"Yea... they didn't shower the entire month we were touring with them... jeezus that was..." Kenny says taking another sip and placing his arm around me as he leans back into the corner of the booth.

"Pungent?" I ask and Kenny and Johnny laugh hysterically.

"Oh baby, you have no fucking idea how pungent... awesome guys though just... holy fuck," Kenny says laughing.

"Fuck did I ever hate the fact that we toured in that fucking little van, in Europe with no heat in the middle of January, breathing steam in my bunk, it was so cold," Kenny says.

"Yea, too bad you didn't have Andi back then to keep you warm," Johnny laughs.

"Hey now she crawled into my bunk just as much as I crawled into hers," Kenny says setting his beer on the table in front of him.

"I don't know about that, you did sneak in with me a lot," I say and take a sip of my water.

"I didn't hear you complaining about it," Kenny glances at me.

"Are you kidding? Of course I complained, you just ignored me and laughed, climbing in anyways," I say looking up into his gorgeous brown eyes as he continues to smirk that sexy smirk of his, teasing me like he always does.

"I was keeping you safe," Kenny protests while Johnny and Carrie chuckle with us.

"Safe from what?" I giggle pushing a few curls out of my eyes.

"From... y'know... falling out of your bunk. The bus was pretty rocky at times and so I was protecting you from falling out," Kenny explains with a smirk. I raise my eyebrow and shake my head realizing that this teasingly innocent argument is going no where.

"Except for that time when Dime pulled you two out of her bunk to drink and you both collapsed on the floor, so that wasn't really protecting her was it?" Johnny chimes in, and we all laugh except Kenny just takes another sip of his beer squinting his eyes at Johnny.

"How in the hell did you stand these two?" Carrie giggles.

"Fuck, these two are nothing compared to having all four of them drunk and playing pranks on each other, ripping on each other... like... fuck," I say and take a sip of my water as Kenny glances at me with the silliest smile on his face, laughing his ass off with Johnny. Kenny then leans into me, brushing my curls off my shoulder and places his lips to that spot under my earlobe. Feeling his soft lips on my skin send shivers all over my body, I close my eyes and lean into him and suddenly it changes as his hand moves to my side and he starts to tickle me.

"Kenny!" I yelp laughing as he laughs, holding me to him and continues to torture me.

"Ok you two, enough with the adorable cuteness you got going on over there," Carrie says taking a sip of her drink.

"Would you guys like some New Years shots?" A bar girl offers as she comes around with a platter full of different colored shots.

"Sure, what time is it anyways?" Carrie asks.

"11:58," The bar girl says glancing at her watch as she passes out shots to us. We all thank her and she walks away as we get ready for the countdown to the new year. Then the whole bar starts the countdown. We all raise out shot glasses up and even though Johnny attempts to say something moving and meaningful, he is drowned out by the rest of the people in the bar.

"5... 4... 3... 2..." We all count together as I feel Kenny pull me closer into him.

"1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

Everyone screams and the local band that had been playing up on stage, starts their metal rendition of 'Auld Lang Syne' which in my opinion is the saddest song to ring in a new year with, and we all down our shots at once. Once I set my shot glass down on the table, pulling a face because that shot was extremely sour tasting and Kenny laughs.

"Not like JD huh?" He chuckles.

"No, that was gross," I say still pulling a face and he laughs.

"Happy new year baby," He says sweetly with that adorable Brooklyn accent, and I glance up at him, his gorgeous dark eyes looking into mine and I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.

"Happy new year," I say sweetly back as he touches his forehead to mine and closes his eyes and I could tell that there was something that he was holding back.

"Kenny?" I ask quietly slightly worried and he lifts his forehead from mine, brushing a few curls from my face and softly smiles at me, his dark eyes beaming. Then his smile slowly fades and he leans into me and brushes his lips so gently against mine, then immediately deepens the kiss, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip and I respond, sucking on that beautiful bottom lip of his, no caring who is in the room. Then after a few moments, he parts his lips from mine, touching his forehead back to mine, hesitating for a moment and placing a kiss to my forehead then going back to his beer and taking a sip.

"I need another beer, you want one baby?" He asks, his tone changing from before. I can't exactly explain it but I can just tell he's holding something back, I'm just not sure what it is.

"No, I'm ok," I say quietly and he slips out of the booth and makes his way back up to the bar as I watch him do so.

"Happy new year Andi," Johnny says sweetly breaking me out of the moment and I turn to him and smile excitedly.

"Happy new year," I say happily and he embraces me in a hug. Then after a few moments, Carrie bounces around to my side smiling away saying Happy new year to me and I giggle embracing her in a hug as well. Then once Kenny returns, he and Johnny do their whole Happy new year thing as well, and before long it was time to head home.

We decided to walk back to Kenny's apartment, leaving Johnny and Carrie to head home on their own, since the newly January air was clear and perfect for a walk and at least we didn't have to pay for a cab home.

We decide to take a bit of the back way home, down a few back streets away from crowds of people walking home drunk, enjoying the cold but not too cold air as the puffs of steam leave our mouths with each breath we take. Kenny lights up a smoke as we walk, though we pretty much stay silent for the most part which still confuses me given the fact that we were having so much fun back at the bar.

"It's so nice out here, the sky is so clear, you can see the moon," I say quietly trying to make conversation as I look up at the sky while we make our way down the sidewalk. I glance up at him as he takes another drag of his cigarette, glancing at me with those dark eyes but still saying nothing.

"You alright?" I ask.

"Yea, why?" He exhales a cloud of smoke with his voice a little raspy.

"You just seem a little quiet or something..." I trail off as I look down at myself, my dark curls falling down.

"Nah, I'm just..." He trails off glancing down at our hands, our fingers laced together.

"Drunk?" I giggle, glancing back up at him after a few moments of more silence between us as we continue to walk down the sidewalk, and he still says nothing. He doesn't seem to be his usual silly self when he's drunk. After a few more moments of him not saying anything he suddenly stops us and turns me to face him though his glance remains down at his feet.

"Kenny?" I ask worriedly, the steam bellowing from my lips as I speak and a stray dog barks off in the distance of the neighborhood we were standing in.

"I wanted to say this so many fucking times but I always fucking lost my nerve," He says still not looking at me. He takes the last drag of his cigarette and flicks it away somewhere as I continue to look at him not knowing just what he was talking about.

"Every time I thought I had the perfect moment, it was always ruined, or there were too many people around or we'd get distracted... then back at the bar it was the perfect time, even though there were so many people around us, it was the perfect time and I second guessed myself and left to get a beer," Kenny half chuckles and glances back at me with his dark eyes filled with emotion.

"Kenny, what - ?"

"Now I have the nerve to say it and I'm so fucking scared but I have to say it or else it's going to eat away at me that I didn't just take the chance," He says cutting me off and look at him wondering just what the fuck he is talking about. He reaches in the pocket of his jeans and I see him pull out a ring. Even though it was completely dark out here with only the street lights lighting up the neighborhood, I could see the diamond sparkling as he held it in his hand.

" I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I love you. I have never wanted anyone more than the way I want you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me,"

I glance down at the ring that he held in his hand and all I could feel was my heart pounding and my body feeling like it was completely numb. Possibly from the alcohol and possibly from the cold but it was like everything seemed like it was in slow motion. Like I wasn't really inside my body anymore.

"I swear to fuck, that I will never love anyone as much as I love you,"

"Kenny - "

"I want you to marry me"

"What?" I breathe looking back up into his eyes.

"I want you to marry me,"

Brooklyn New York, January 1 1995

I stood at the apartment door making sure I had everything in my bag and zip up my leather jacket. Kenny, who stood in his ripped jeans and plain black T-shirt, his beautiful curls passed his shoulders, could barely look at me as I packed my things to go. There were so many things that I wanted to say but there wasn't any way that I could make it any easier for him. I've broken his heart. I never intended to hurt him at all. I never wanted to break his heart and I'm crumbling to pieces at the fact that I am doing so.

"You, um... you got your plane ticket?" He clears his throat.

"Yea," I say softly as I shove my keys in my pocket. I glance back at him trying to hold back my tears as he avoids my gaze. If I were him I wouldn't want to look at me either.

"Call me when you land... y'know just so I know you're ok," He says and quickly glances up at me.

"Ok," I say softly again. We stand there in completely silence not knowing what to say. What the fuck do you say when everything is once again falling apart. Only this time, I'm the one letting him fall when all along I was the one afraid to.

"Kenny I - "

"It's ok Andi... you don't need to say you're sorry anymore. I understand. Maybe not entirely but I understand... it's ok," He says, his tone firm but not angry, hurt but not sad in which I really can't blame him. As much as I wanted to tell him all the reasons why, there really is no use. He is allowed to feel the way he does, I just never thought that I would be the one to make him feel that way.

"You um, you better get going, you don't wanna miss your flight," He says quietly.

"Yea," I say quietly back. After a couple of more minutes, I wanted to just touch him one last time. I walk over to him and just as I was about to place my lips on his, he turns his head slightly and I connect with his cheek instead. I linger for a moment and then pull away, as my heart breaks but it doesn't even compare to the heartbreak I'm causing him. I reach up and place my hand on his chest, trying to make it better though I know it's not. He covers my hand with his and holds it for a moment.

"Andi please just... please just get the hell outta here," He says sadly but trying to be firm. I say nothing and slip my hand out from underneath his, turn quickly grabbing my bag and head for the door, wiping a tears as I do so. I don't look back as I open the door then close it behind me and walk as fast as I can down the stairs, letting the tears flow as I make my way out on to the street, hailing a cab and heading to the airport to go back home to Seattle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in I Am The Highway


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